


What happened, kids?

by BoreasAnemos



Series: Two Souls and Companions [3]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Awkwardness, Drama & Romance, F/M, Romance, Side Story, Teen Romance, Teenage Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoreasAnemos/pseuds/BoreasAnemos
Summary: A companion/spin-off story depicting what happened outside the Evas during part of Two Souls run; it outlines how Asuka/Shinji interactions changed under influence of Kyoko and Yui. This is a sequel toWhat happened, daughter?This story chronologically happens during chapters 7. and 8. of Two Souls.
Relationships: Ikari Shinji/Souryuu Asuka Langley
Series: Two Souls and Companions [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1240442
Comments: 32
Kudos: 28





	1. “I won’t kill you”

**Author's Note:**

> This story begins somewhere during Chapter 7. of Two Souls.
> 
> Word of warning: The story is canon in regard to Two Souls and may contain some minor spoilers to characters’ actions and motivations; so if you want to preserve Kyoko’s PoV as the dominant one, I suggest refraining from reading this. If not – enjoy the shift in perspective and teenage drama. Be also warned of increased risk of facepalms.

_Sunday_

_About two weeks after the Top Gun incident_

The apartment’s door beeped and hissed, letting two well-soaked teenagers in. Shinji took caution to shake the umbrella outside before carefully taking it in and subsequently putting in on the hook over the bathtub.

“Just our luck, eh?” Asuka half-joked, half-sneered. “For a moment I thought some old lady emptied a bucket on us when she noticed us doing lewd things under her window” she giggled.

Shinji smiled. “We were not doing ‘lewd things’, we were just… kissing”, he added blush to the smile. “Good thing it was warm, and I had an umbrella at hand.”

“Why did you, actually?” Asuka asked across the apartment, door to her room doing little to muffle her voice. “I wanted to ask before you… distracted me.”

“I was looking at the forecasts?” he replied, emerging from his room in an identical white shirt, just a dry one, and stopping in his tracks when he laid his eyes on Asuka who entered the common area in a less elaborate, but certainly a dress. _‘This is rare, when did she wore a dress at home last time?’_

“What’s going on, idiot, forgot how to talk?” she teased – but with a smile.

“N-no, s-sorry”, he blurted out, heading to the kitchen.

Asuka rolled her eyes behind his back. While she managed to train him passably well in behaving-on-a-not-a-date department, his ability to say things a girl wanted to hear was clearly heavily lacking. _‘Well, not everyone has to have Kaji’s charm. At least whatever compliment I hear from this dumbass is sincere, because he simply cannot lie. If only he was more forward, I’d have something to work with…’_

“Asuka…” Shinji probed carefully when she entered the kitchen.

“Yes?” she stopped and turned to face him. For a moment, he saw some strange expression on her face, like… hope? Whatever it was, it was replaced by mild annoyance.

“Would you… would you like to hang out here for a while? Talk? I’ll make coffee…”

She narrowed her eyes. Shinji suddenly felt small and scrutinised.

“OK, but you better not try anything, or I will put you in plaster”, she growled. _‘Oh… am I finally getting that “forward” part from him?’_

“Not try to do anything, or do try not to do anything?” Shinji unexpectedly asked, raising his eyebrows, his tone almost amused. His hand blindly found and pressed the ON button of the coffee machine.

Asuka stared at him for a long while, emotions on her face oscillating between anger at his cheekiness, admiration of his improving audacity, and joy from the fact that he actually pushed back. His expression clearly stated: ‘you did this to yourself, now suffer the consequences’. Finally, she threw her hands skywards in exasperation.

“Oh, fuck it”, she blurted out, making Shinji recoil a tiny step; anything further was made impossible by the tabletop. “Really, fuck it”, she trapped him by putting her hands on the tabletop on both sides and stared right into his eyes. “I promise not to kill you, Third, unless you do something truly outlandish or something I really hate.”

“This is a… weak reassurance”, he noted dryly, raising one eyebrow and leaning back a further centimetre.

“It’s the best you’re going to get” she stepped back and crossed her arms, challenging him with her whole posture. “A tiny hint for the start: **don’t** you ever tickle me unless you have a death wish.”

He took a deep breath. A week or two ago, he would have backed down and likely turned this into a neutral, safe situation, claiming a joke or just manoeuvring away. He wanted to do that right now, actually, but something – primarily Asuka’s words, but also her body language – was telling him this is not what is expected of him. His ability to read Asuka’s cues has improved quite a lot recently – but considering it was non-existent to begin with, any improvement was ‘quite a lot’.

He took a step towards Asuka, entering her personal space and pausing a mere centimetre short of touching her. _‘I’m not under attack, good’_ , his brain registered and gave the green light to proceed. His arm encircled her waist and pulled her closer to him.

 _‘That’s… certainly an improvement’_ Asuka smiled to herself. _‘Let’s see how much of an improvement, shall we?’_ she decided and returned the embrace, resting her hands on his back. She felt his fingers trace lines along her spine, sending soft, pleasant impulses down her spine. Her mind raced forward, considering at what stage she should stop him, but the only conclusion she could reach at the moment was ‘definitely not now’. Accepting that, she waited for the situation to develop.

Regrettably for her – and to her growing annoyance – the situation did not develop much further in any direction. Shinji’s fingers were dancing around, repeating the patterns, touching her neck and her back without progressing any further. An initially pleasant sensation was slowly getting tiresome, even irritating – and it was clearly going nowhere. She clenched her jaw and took a deep breath.

Without a word, she broke the embrace and pushed him away, a little more violently than she anticipated.

“S-sorry!” he reacted automatically as he bumped against the kitchen tabletop.

Asuka shook her head. “Not your fault” she mumbled unconvincingly before returning to her normal voice. “I don’t feel like having a coffee, sorry. I’m going to bed”, she finished and walked as fast as she could without running, leaving a dumbfounded Shinji behind.

***

Asuka Langley Soryu was not very good in managing her anger, but she was very good – mostly by the virtue of experience – in venting it. Of course, this caused the people around her – and in lack of them, infrastructure and possessions – to suffer. She rarely cared, of course. The only precaution she took this time was avoiding being noticed, limiting herself to violently punching her pillows over and over again.

She was very well aware that her anger was completely irrational; expecting Shinji to suddenly become bold after a few non-dates and a couple of kisses – even as good as hers – was still quite unrealistic. But this did not ease it even a tiny bit; it actually made her additionally angry at the obvious irrationality of her own emotions.

“But why the build-up?” she whispered angrily to herself between punches. “Why the whole… argh! Why the entire ‘coffee’ schtick? Why all this, only to end up in such a fucking anti-climax? He could’ve very well just kissed me on my hand and saunter away, I’d be angry, but it would at. Least. Be. **Funny!** And. Somehow **Creative!** ”

The last words were almost a bark, each punctuated with a punch; finally, the expected, but not anticipated happened: one of the pillows ruptured, spreading the loose stuffing all around. Not true feathers, of course, as those were too expensive even for someone with her earnings and hazard pay, but almost as good.

And now it was ruined.

“Fuck. Me” she gritted her teeth and dropped on her back among the faux-feathery mess, her energy spent, and her anger replaced by dejection. “Why do I even bother? Why the fuck do I even bother with him?”

She sighed, collected the scattered stuffing and replaced the pillow with a rolled blanket. She scanned the apartment through the door crack; there was nobody in sight, and the bathroom was dark. _‘Good, at least I will not have to talk to him again today. Hopefully not tomorrow, either’_ she pondered before starting her evening routine.

***

The subject of Asuka’s exasperation, Shinji Ikari, was no stranger to being confused. He was exposed to it so much that he sometimes considered it the normal state of his mind. Still, for obvious reasons, it was never pleasant for him. Confusion meant lack of direction, growing uncertainty, sometimes even uncertainty’s logical conclusion – fear. All this was present in abundance in his current situation. The unpleasant question he was wrestling with several weeks ago – when it all began – has returned: ‘ _Where did I go wrong?’_

The ceiling, as expected, provided no answer.

He turned to his side and let out a heavy sigh. While the guilt was gnawing at him just as much as the feeling of loss was, he was certain he would weather this storm. After all, he had weathered all the others before this one.

But he was certain about one thing: he would miss Asuka. He was quite sure she would give him no more chances.

_‘Why should she?’_


	2. “I’ll save you”

_Thursday_

“I don’t need that stupid wimp anymore!”

Hikari raised her eyebrow at Asuka’s outburst. The rest of the class just wisely ignored it; they knew very well that reacting to Asuka’s outbursts only drew her ire – unless her intent was to cause a reaction, of course.

“I wasn’t asking that, you know” Hikari added calmly. “I was merely commenting on your mood being… worse than it was a week ago.”

“You **implied** it. Strongly. And I’m not having that”, Asuka growled back, fishing out a grilled piece of meat; something that started to appear in her – and only her – bento soon after she complained to Shinji about him using fish or octopus all the time. “I don’t need him!” she reasserted.

Hikari just nodded without much conviction, eyeing the redhead’s bento box. Even if she was one of the few people in the class that Asuka failed to outright intimidate, arguing with the girl was about as efficient as screaming at waves – and about as likely to give you headaches. Not to mention, looks of pity. Or worse, as the case of a certain unfortunate boy indicated, make you drenched in water from head to toe. Using her superior social skills and unwilling to dig further, the Class Representative simply executed a skilful change of subject.

***

On the other side of the classroom, Shinji was sitting in his usual company of Touji and Kensuke. Asuka loud grumbling, perfectly audible to everyone in the classroom, served just to put a further damper on his already sour mood.

“Don’t listen to her, Shin-man!” Touji spoke up, doing his best to be cheerful – which, obviously, came out in his usual rowdy way. “We’ll never dump you like this! Besides, she’s a total b–” he interrupted suddenly, seeing a sharp glare from redhead’s direction. Kensuke raised an eyebrow at this obvious sign of fear from his boisterous friend – but wisely chose not to comment.

“Of course, if you **told** us something was going on, we’d warn you”, the smaller boy said instead. “She’s a devil, everybody knew that! I must admit I’m impressed you managed to hide the fact you’re dating from us. I only learned two days ago!”

“We were not exactly **dating** ”, Shinji explained in a morose voice. “It’s complicated.”

Images flashed across his mind: taking walks and discussing a movie; having coffee and cake at a leisurely pace while listening to Asuka rant about some band; playing games at the arcade, Asuka getting agitated after every loss and triumphant after every victory; taking long walks home when the sun was setting, looking for a spot where they could hide and kiss…

_‘Gods, I am going to miss that…’_ he forced his tears down. He hated crying, and doing so in public was unthinkable.

“But you’re still feeding her, Shin-man, after what she did to you!” Touji picked up, ignoring Kensuke’s outburst entirely and distracting Shinji. Suddenly, he lowered his voice to as near to a whisper as he could: “You didn’t poison it, did you?” he eyed his friend suspiciously.

Shinji tilted his head, giving Touji a look that clearly suggested judging his mental capabilities.

“I did not. I…” he trailed off.

“Pity, I’d love to see her set right for her bitchiness”, he grumbled. “But hey, remember, you still got us! And we can go to the arcade this Sunday! And even catch a film if you want to!”

Shinji glared at him. “If you’re choosing, I’m out. Same goes for you”, he looked sideways at Kensuke who was about to chime in. “I like you guys, I really do”, he reasserted, “but I’d rather see something else than war movies or action flicks once in a while.”

Touji’s arm landed at his shoulders. “Shin-man, we can even go to see a romantic comedy with you, if this makes you feel better”, he declared, his voice lower than usual. “Just don’t tell anyone, or they’ll think we’re…” he trailed off.

Shinji raised an eyebrow. “That we’re what?” he asked, clearly confused. “Besides, it’s not that I **like** romantic comedies. We can just play games; I don’t care for movies.”

“Never mind. Whatever works, man”, Touji shrugged. “I just can’t stand seeing you like this!”

Kensuke nodded in agreement and opened his mouth, only to be interrupted by the sound of Shinji’s phone; Shinji reached for it reflexively. In the corner of his eye, he noticed Asuka did as well. This could mean only one thing.

“Sorry guys, we’ll finish that later”, he stood up and grabbed his bag. A quick glance at the message confirmed his suspicion; what confused him was the lack of the city-wide alert that usually accompanied their call to action.

“Hey, where are you–” Touji protested loudly.

“NERV business” Asuka interjected across the classroom. “Move your ass, Third, I’m not waiting for you.”

He nodded, simultaneously putting the bento box into the bag. On his way out, he quickly addressed Hikari: “Class Rep, requesting permission to be excused due to urgent NERV-related business.”

“Granted. Be careful, Shinji-kun!” came the reply when he was about to follow Asuka through the door. Rei was right behind them.

“Really, Third”, Asuka spoke up in mocking tone as they were running towards the school gates. “We have an Angel attack and you ask to be let go from the class?”

“Ikari-kun does not share your disregard for protocol, Soryu-san”, came only slightly huffed voice from behind them.

Asuka stopped in her tracks, almost causing a collision. “Wondergirl, you–”

“Asuka! Please, there will be time for that!” Shinji pleaded while passing her without even slowing down. Rei followed him closely.

The redhead shook her surprise off and followed him. _‘For once, he uses his brain. But since when is that pet capable of sniping? Or am I reading too much into it?’_ she pondered as she followed the other two Pilots.

Her thoughts were interrupted by their arrival at the gate. The three cars of Section 2 were already waiting. _‘That means the Angel is already in the city or has long-range weapons’_ , she recalled NERV procedures. _‘They’re taking us via different routes, to maximise the chance **someone** arrives at NERV alive.’_

As she was getting into the car, she noticed a strange black-and-white sphere coming into her field of vision in the distance. _‘Hello, target’_ , she grinned at the thing in the sky. _‘I’m not letting anybody steal **tha**_ ** _t_** _kill._ _’_

***

_Twenty-eight minutes later_

Asuka was sitting inside Unit-02, her mind focused, her body tense, her eyes scanning the battlefield. Having to wait did not improve her sullen mood; her thoughts were running in circles – and, to her growing annoyance, most of those circles were run around Shinji. _‘Why can’t I get him out of my head, even now? He’s a stupid wimp, a hopeless case, a pointless waste of–ah fuck it’_ , she cut the train of thoughts down. _‘I’m not letting him weigh me down, not this time’_ , she decided. _‘Let’s see how he fares by himself.’_

“Can you all hear me?” Major Katsuragi’s voice came over the comms as all the Units finally took their initial positions. “I’ve sent you all the target’s data. That’s all we know right now. Approach it carefully and observe its reactions, and, if possible, lure it into the airspace outside the city limits. One of you take point and the other two are backup, got that?”

“Ma’am? I think Shinji ought to take point!” Asuka replied in a surprisingly cheerful voice, choking down her annoyance and mean mood.

“What?” Shinji reacted, barely audible over the comms; his face was far more expressive.

“Well, this is a job for the high-scoring, utterly fearless, Number One synch-rate holder, right?” Asuka goaded. “Or don’t you feel up to it, Shinji-chan?”

She immediately felt stupid for saying that, but it was too late to go back on her words.

“Asuka?” Shinji probed carefully. “Are you sure about that?”

“Well, you’re the Number One now, shouldn’t you act like it?” she kept going. “Besides, a little front-line experience is good for you!”

“All right, I’ll do it! But no complains later about handing me a free kill, Asuka!” Shinji’s voice was determined but somewhat amused. _‘Fuck, he’s right, if this is an easy one, I’ll never catch up with_ him’ Asuka winced imperceptibly.

“Hey, you two…” Major Katsuragi interjected, her voice clearly annoyed.

“You said it, didn’t you? ‘You’re the Number One’?” Shinji addressed her directly.

“Well that was…” the Major started to protest.

“And Asuka’s right, she’s already good, and I need more experience!” Shinji’s voice was growing enthusiastic by the second.

“That’s the spirit, just don’t f-mess it up, ‘Number One’” Asuka’s tone turned mocking in the last words. _‘I hope it’ll work as a joke. Unless he’s too dense to know the reference…’_ she shook her head. “Unit-02 will back him up” she added in more professional tone.

“Unit-00 will back him up as well” Rei stated in her usual, flat voice, annoying Asuka in a different direction. She squashed that feeling; Shinji had priority in annoying her today; she was not about to let the Wondergirl change that.

***

Unit-01 started moving; the others followed, keeping their distance and slowly flanking the target.

Asuka’s annoyance was getting another vector. Skulking in an Evangelion was counterintuitive for her. _‘Those machines were made for direct combat, not hiding behind buildings!’_

“Ayanami, Asuka, are you in position yet?” came Shinji’s whisper over the comms.

“Not yet” came an immediate reply from Unit-00.

“Patience, Number One, don’t get yourself tied in knots” Asuka replied, managing to sound amused. “We have more ground to cover. And I’m out of cable, switching to station twenty-five!” she declared while detaching that cable and managing to reattach new one before the counter reached 4:55:55. She smiled to herself, happy at this small success.

The good mood lasted about fifty further seconds; to be precise, it lasted until Rei declared “I am in position”.

“So am I” Asuka could only admit her defeat in that race twenty seconds later. “You know what to do, Third. Let’s hope **this** will work out better than the last time” she finally spat out, lacing it with all the annoyance that was accumulating for a while.

“Hey, what was that supposed to–” Shinji reacted immediately.

“Asuka, Shinji, you’re doing it again! Stop your banter and focus on the combat situation!” a chiding voice of Misato came in almost immediately.

“Yes, ma’am!” Shinji snapped back and kept moving.

Asuka just shrugged. _‘Spoilsport, Misato. Good that you’re never home to fuck it up there.’_

***

A few fruitless minutes later, Asuka’s mood has not improved. _‘Is Misato intentionally making us stew with this waiting? Or perhaps has no idea how to engage it… well, the luring certainly doesn’t work.’_

Sudden voice of the Major snapped her back to attention. “Shinji, fire a double on the sphere and be ready for a counterattack; Unit-00, Unit-02, be ready to provide backup.”

“Yes, ma’am! Engaging the target!” Shinji declared in response. Asuka could see Unit-01 raise from behind the cover and taking the shot at the levitating sphere.

She also blinked in utter surprise as the sphere vanished just before the bullets hit it.

“Fuck!” came in the comms in the voice of Doctor Akagi. Asuka would have found it amusing if not for her total combat focus.

“Pattern blue!” someone yelled over the still-open comms. “Angel confirmed! Directly beneath Unit-01!”

_‘What?’_ Asuka stood up and tried to survey the situation, with no effect – it was simply too far.

“A shadow?” Shinji’s panicked voice came in, followed by gunshots. “What is this? It’s weird!”

“Shinji, get out of there! Shinji?!” Major’s voice was definitely not composed.

“Ikari?” joined a worried voice of Rei.

_‘That fucking idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot! He had to be the best, right? If he gets killed now, who will do the cooking? Who will do all the annoying little stuff?’_ she was becoming increasingly angry. _‘With whom will I fall asleep at the couch?’_ last thought came in unexpected, along with _‘Whom will I lose my_ – _’_

Asuka cut that train of thought quickly, surprised by its coming.

_‘Save him’_ she decided on the only logical course of action. _‘I have to save him. I owe him’_ the feeling she had when she was being pulled out of the volcano came to her mind. _‘I owe that to him, and I will save him.’_

She ejected the connector and started to sprint towards Unit-01.

_‘And when this is over, I’m going to kill him’,_ she declared, her annoyance persisting.

***

Ignoring the panicked voices over the comms was necessary to focus on the alleys far too narrow for an Evangelion to manoeuvre comfortably. “Asuka, retreat! That’s an order!” was the first thing she actually registered in the noise – and it came when she was within arms’ reach of Unit-01.

“I can catch him!” she declared, digging a leg and an arm into a wall of some clearly disposable building. “It’s just… a… few… more…” she kept talking as she reached for Unit-01’s hand, grabbing it after a few seconds. “ **Ha!** Hey idiot, I told you I won’t let you down-”

Her triumph turned into a surprise as she started to lose footing; the building started to sink. “Ah, Scheisse!”

“Asuka!!!” came over the comms in a panicked voice of Major Katsuragi.

Asuka abandoned any pretence of propriety; she reflexively returned to her native German and the flowery language she acquired when spending time with students who were nearly twice her age. Despite the threats, curses, and verbal violence, the impossible sea swallowed both Units whole.

***

Asuka scanned the environment around her; all sensors except proximity were showing errors – and proximity detected Unit-01 whose hand she still held.

_‘Wonderful. At least nobody’s shooting at me here. Step one, ensure the continuous operation of the Unit’_ she recalled the emergency procedures and flipped a few switches, engaging the life-support mode; she felt the phantom limbs go numb as a result.

She ran a sensor scan and gritted her teeth as the results came back nonsensical. The next two were the same – anywhere but from Unit-01. “Great, I was hoping it was sensor malfunction. But no, I’m the belly of the beast… I wonder which one of us is Jonah and which way is Nineveh?”

She sighed; it felt really weird when submerged in LCL. Conflicting thoughts ran through her head, but most of them were focused either on her situation – which she had covered for now, as much as she could – or on Shinji. Finally, she made her decision and flipped the comm switch.

“Hey, idiot, you there?” she probed over the comms, sending only audio in a further attempt to preserve energy.

“Y-yeah” came an uncertain answer. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, no damage, just bullshit readings all around. Okay, before I start yelling at you, engage power saving. I’d hate if I lost the ability to tell you what I think of you due to a power failure” she managed to get out without too much bile in her voice.

“Already done”, he reported. “And… thank you, Asuka. I… I thought I was going to die there.”

She rolled her eyes, the planned rant partially derailed. “We can still die here, you idiot. Whatever the hell ‘here’ is, I’m sure that when we get out of here, the Science division is going to have a party in honour of some discovery”, she noted wryly. “Back to the subject at hand”, she took a breath and started. “You’re stupid, careless, and you were a total idiot for letting yourself fall into that trap. And it is totally your fault we’re currently trapped here, wherever ‘here’ is, and you better help me get us out of here.”

Shinji did not reply.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” she poked at him, her annoyance obvious. “I said–”

“I’m sorry I dragged you into this”, he cut in. “I… I didn’t know it was a trap. Misato seemed to know what she was doing”, doubt crept into his voice.

Asuka frowned. “First, I fell in because I tried to **save** you, I owed you that. Yeah, you dragged me in, but just literally. So, we’re in this crap together because we go to battle together, and such things happen. So, stop apologising! I mean it”, her tone became threatening for a short moment.

“But you said–”

“I’m not done yet. Second, Misato was acting logically, and her tactic was sound. And we executed it well, too, as the best team we are. Just… the recon data were incomplete, and I believe that part is the responsibility of one Doctor Ritsuko Akagi. So, I only blame you for panicking, and if you apologise for that now, I’m going to hit you in your face”, she threatened.

“I’m–” he started.

“Your. Face”, she growled in response.

“Asuka, your Eva is in life-support mode. You cannot move your hands”, Shinji remarked.

Asuka could swear there was some amusement, or perhaps cheekiness in his voice, impossible as it seemed. Her eyes narrowed. “Oh, shut the fuck up, smartass, great help you are”, she barked, a hint of amusement creeping into her voice as well.

“I’m so–”

Asuka punched the comm switch so hard that the entire haptic panel display fizzled out. She rolled her eyes and rebooted it manually. Unwilling to go back to that conversation again, she started another sensor cycle, biting her lip in frustration.

***

The reason for her frustration – at least the most direct one at the moment, as those have been numerous and accumulating over the day, the month, the year, and the decade – was in a different state of mind, a state that could be described as simply ‘resigned’. He was well aware that Asuka hated his constant apologies and had been trying to avoid that – but one does not simply drop a habit that was being drilled into him for a better part of a decade both by people who raised him as well as the society itself. Not to mention, a habit that simply made him feel better; apologising and retreating did bring him some minor relief – and a measure of peace. It was standing up to her – or to anyone – and fighting anyone was unpleasant for him, disturbing for his peace, and sometimes outright painful for his sensibilities.

He let out a sigh, as much as he could in this entirely liquid environment. The problem was that Asuka expected just that. She called it ‘having a spine’ or ‘being a man’. He was aware that those were somehow important qualities – and that he was lacking them.

_‘This has been my downfall, hasn’t it?’_ he suddenly realised, his mood taking a plunge from ‘sad’ to ‘morose’.

Closing his eyes, he recalled the moment he lost her, the mistake that cost him his happiness. They were back from another absolutely-not-a-date; he wanted to do something, spoke the cheesiest line possible… and it worked. They were actually moving forward, inexperienced as they are, but _something_ was happening–

–but it was clearly not enough. Asuka grew tense, irritated, annoyed, angry – he could not tell in the twilight of the kitchen and in the limited time he had – but she was certainly unhappy. She walked away – and he was left standing alone.

_‘I wish it has gone differently…’_ he balled his fists.

In his thoughts, he could see himself doing something else: being braver with his hands; starting to kiss her neck, perhaps; pulling her closer to feel her body against his own; maybe even moving his hand to her neck to pull her into a proper kiss. He could almost feel the warmth of her breath, sense the heat of her body, see the gaze she always had when they made another step, notice the gleam she had when they overstepped some tiny boundary…

A sob shook his body. ‘ _All those moments will be lost… like… tears… dissolving in this cursed liquid. And now, I will die, and she will die because of me’_ , his thoughts ran as his body kept shaking. _‘I’m the worst.’_

He tried to cry, but it did not last long; his mental exhaustion was too great. Soon, a fitful, restless sleep overtook him.

***

In the depths of the Core, a cold, watchful mind was listening in.

_‘My beloved child. You are so much more than you think_ ’, the serene but warming thoughts slowly seeped into his restless mind. _‘You can be so much more, more than you could ever imagine. You **will** have her back. And when the time comes… you will be ready for your purpose.’_

Under its armour, Unit-01 was currently sporting a very disturbing grin.


	3. “I want to talk.”

_A few hours later_

Asuka tried to take a deep breath, but the LCL was proving too resistant for that. “Damn it. It’s getting murky… oh, fuck that. I’m not dying alone.”

She poked the communication system. “Hey, idiot, are you there? I want to talk.”

“Asuka?” came a hazy reply. “Is that you?”

“No, idiot, it’s just you hallucinating”, she rolled her eyes. “Were you asleep?”

“I… guess so”, he admitted. “I’m so–”

“Let’s make a deal”, she interrupted him with almost a hiss. “You won’t apologise, at least for the next few hours, and I won’t punch your face in if we get out of here. Okay?”

“I… guess?” he reluctantly agreed.

“Good. Now, to the more important things…” she paused. “I’ve been thinking.”

“About?” he asked, his voice cautious.

“Things. Life”, she tried offhandedly before pausing and changing her tone to a more serious one. “Okay, us. I want to talk about **us**. And before you start to panic and try to run, it’s not going to be one of the ‘we need to talk’ moments.”

“Well, when better than now? Not that I can… I don’t know, run anywhere?” he quipped, a little more flippantly that she would have expected of him.

Asuka chuckled. “Well, you do have a point, except I don’t get to see your face and I don’t get to hit you”, she replied, somewhat amused. “But, first and foremost”, her voice turned serious, “I am still kind of pissed with you… but I just promised not to punch you if you stop apologising so much. And I’d rather not end up in a screaming match with you… or worse, me yelling at you. So–”

“Asuka…” he interrupted as she paused for half a second to draw breath. “Explain the priorities?”

“What priorities?” she asked, confused.

“Why ‘screaming match’ is better than ‘one-sided yelling’?” he asked with a sincere question in his voice.

“What are you, stupid?” she shook her head, her voice disbelieving.

“Well… maybe?” he admitted, uncertain. “But that’s no answer, is it?” he added; she could swear he was smiling as he said that. She shook her head again.

“Okay, listen carefully because I’ll say it only once: react. Always. There’s **nothing** worse than apathy”, she explained. “I **mean** it”, her voice turned insistent. “If you **ever** have to decide between slapping me and running away, slap me. There will be hell to pay, sure, and we will come to blows, most likely, but we’ll clear that out sooner or later, most likely as soon as the anger passes I no longer want to kill you. If you run… well, it would be easy to just **let** you run, right? And never resolve it properly, just let it fester, until we both drown in regrets”, she finished, momentarily pondering whether she was not being overly dramatic.

There was a long moment of silence from the other side. “I… I will try”, he finally replied, his voice uncertain.

“Do or do not, Third”, she smirked, proud of herself for successfully weaving in a classic reference. “There is no try.”

“I… guess?” he replied. Asuka felt an urgent need to strangle him for not getting her great and classy joke. “Asuka…” he continued, unaware of the danger that was hanging over his head. “Can you promise me something? Like, in return if I promise you not to run away?”

She shook her head once more, trying to clear her mind. It did little; the environment was resisting, both in its physical density and mental oppressiveness. “I’m listening?” she managed despite that, her voice curious.

“Can you be… more direct? No, sorry”, he backtracked. “Not direct… I… I’m not good at guessing. You’re… different. I like… many things about you… but sometimes I feel lost. Can you… talk to me? Tell me what you need? What you want?”

Asuka frowned. “What do you mean, ‘different’?”

“You’re… I can see what Misato means and wants, often, I can read my other classmates just as well. But you…” he trailed off.

“I’m a barbarian foreigner that is a mystery to you”, she chuckled. “Is that it?”

“I didn’t want to say it like this”, he replied, his voice sheepish. “But…”

“But this is what you mean by ‘different’, isn’t it? Gott, and **you** want **me** to be more direct, with you beating around the bush like that?” she let out a sigh, feeling annoyed at how much the LCL dampened the dramatic effect she was counting on. “Listen, Third. I can’t **promise** it will work, it’s unbecoming of a girl to be too direct, right?” she shook her head. “But I will **try**. Is this enough for you?”

The perfect silence was the only reply from the other side. Asuka checked the comms in panic – but they were working.

“Third?”

“So–” he cut himself off. “I’m still here. Just… thinking. Those comms usually carry more noise, just like phones, you know?” he noticed. “I don’t know why they’re so silent now.”

Asuka smirked. “You didn’t pay attention in Physics class, did you?” she asked, her voice smug. “The noise you usually hear on the phone are disturbances of various kinds: interference from other channels or lines, cosmic radiation, and so on. Here… we’re isolated. There are no energy sources but us. Be glad you don’t flail your Eva around, or you’d get hot pretty quickly. No way to get rid of heat except radiation, and that’s very inefficient. The only disruption can come from inside, and Evas are quite well insulated with all this armour.”

“Oh. I see”, he replied, a bit overwhelmed by the sudden information dump. He had to admit, though, that in a real-life context and explained in Asuka’s voice, it sounded quite interesting – contrary to the explanation of their Physics teacher who had a tendency to put even him, a relatively attentive student, to sleep.

“That’s all you got to say?” Asuka grumbled, disappointed.

“Sorry!” he finally failed to contain himself. Asuka made a mental note to consider punching him – unless this was going to be a singular slip. “I… I’m not good with science. I mean, I get it… but why do you think we would overheat?”

Asuka sighed, painfully reminded she was not dealing with a mind as brilliant as her own. “Okay. Let’s start with basic Thermodynamics. What are the three ways the heat transfers?”

“Hm… Radiation, convection…” he started and trailed off, unsure of the answer.

“And conduction. My favourite, especially when you’re the warmer one and it’s cold outside”, she chuckled. “Now, tell me: why will convection not work here?”

“Because it only works in air or water?” he tried.

“ _Almost_ correct”, she smiled. “It works in any fluid, in anything that has moving molecules, currents, and such. Lava also has convection. Usually in the other direction, though”, she shivered as a certain memory flashed in her mind. “And conduction?”

“There’s nothing here except us?” he tried, sounding quite certain about his answer.

“Correct”, she smiled again, wider this time. “So, all that is left is radiating it into the void. And while Evas treat _some_ laws of physics as polite suggestions at best, most of those laws are treated like Japanese people treat their customs – and thermodynamics seems to be one of those. Are you following me?”

“I suppose?” Shinji replied cautiously. “They can be broken if your life depends on it, but under normal circumstances, it’s almost unthinkable?”

“Kind of. Even if I’m sometimes under the impression that you could not be rude even if your life depended on it”, Asuka grumbled. “But – you’re not eluding the subject at hand by making me explain physics to you!”

“Asuka…” his voice was at least annoyed, if not irritated. “ **You** started this lecture. An interesting one, but–”

“Are you accusing me of changing the subject?” she hissed, her eyes narrow.

“Yes”, he bluntly agreed. “I think it was an accident, though.”

She rolled her eyes. “You and your diplomacy. Okay. I told you what I think. Do what you want with it, okay?”

“I… I don’t know if I could. You know. Slap you”, he admitted.

Asuka let out a sigh. It still failed to have the desired dramatic effect; the liquid just carried the sounds too differently.

“That was an exaggeration. A distant possibility. You’re smart, you’ll figure it out, right?” she stated, her voice far softer than just a moment ago. “Just don’t be so afraid all the time.”

There was a long pause on the other side. “Thank you.”

Asuka shook her head, surprised. “For what?”

“It’s the first time you said I was smart.”

 _‘Fuck. Is it?’_ she bit her lip. _‘Well, not that he gave me many reasons to call him that’_ , her thoughts kept going. _‘Except… he did. He’s not stupid, he’s just an idiot. People-wise, at least. Let me guess, I fucked something up here? Again?’_

She considered her next words carefully. “Listen, Shinji. You… are. You are smart. Intelligent. Sure, your knowledge level is **nowhere** near mine, but that doesn’t mean you’re not smart”, she sighed again and silently cursed the idea, realising how much of the poorly recycled liquid she was pulling in; she forced that thought down to avoid gagging. “Listen, I’m not going to recite a panegyric to your brilliance, okay? But… yeah. You are.”

“Thank you, Asuka”, he replied, his smile audible in his voice.

“Urk. Please, Third. Don’t”, the disgust in her voice was audible as well. “I’m already gagging on that crap I have to breathe here, don’t make me puke from too much sweetness. I just give credit where due, okay?” she added, curtly.

“All right”, he agreed cautiously, his voice betraying he was not entirely sure what to think of Asuka’s words. “Can I… can you do something for me, then?”

“Depends. My hands are kind of… tied here”, she quipped.

“If I apologise less, would you… would you insult me less?” he managed.

She frowned. “I’d rather have you insult back”, she said without much thought. “I mean, talk back. Fire back– argh”, she threw her hands up as much as the resistance of the LCL allowed. “Be more… be less…”, she cut off, uncertain how to continue.

“You want me to **insult** you?” his voice was a mix between confusion and incredulity.

“Not _insult_ , exactly, idiot. Push back. Okay? I… I can’t give you an example now, but it’s easy to learn. Just try, I won’t kill you”, she paused. “One exception: you spring a ‘yo mama’ joke, and you’re dead. I mean it, no second chances.”

“I would never”, came a reply in a surprisingly serious, almost grave voice.

 _‘Ouch. I… suppose I touched a nerve. Fuck, I should’ve realised, his mom is dead too, of course. Another thing we have in common. Oh well, to talk about that, I’d rather see his face. Too much can be lost over the radio’_ , she noted. “Good. Listen, Third…” she wavered just for a second. “If we ever get out of here, let’s take some time and talk. Okay?”

“Yes”, he agreed after a moment of hesitation. “I… I would really like to. I mean, if you want to talk. I mean, talk seriously.”

“Is this your ‘we need to talk’?” her voice gained a tinge of amusement. “Didn’t I spare you from that fate?”

“Yes? I mean, no, we don’t **need** to…” he started to back off; fortunately, he did not see Asuka’s eye-roll; otherwise, he would have cut himself off far sooner. “I want to talk to you. I already know some things about you… but I really want to know you better”, he finally managed. “If you want to share, of course.”

Asuka felt the familiar sensation of butterflies in her stomach. “We’ll talk, Third. Just hang in there and don’t die, okay?”

“I… I will try”, a sad smile was audible in those words.

Silence descended between them. To her surprise and for the first time in a while, Asuka did not perceive it as awkward.

***

In that silence, Shinji was left to his thoughts. Contrary to Asuka, he was convinced he should say something; regrettably, he could find no proper words. He let out a resigned sigh and sunk into his thoughts. _‘Smart? Me?’_

A thought appeared from nowhere: _‘Maybe I am. And maybe this is something she appreciates… I can’t be as brash as she is, I can only try not to be timid. But intelligence… and knowledge? Why not?’_

He smiled to himself. Asuka was talking to him again, no, she was doing more than that: she was giving him suggestions on how to act towards her. ‘ _Perhaps not all is lost?’_ he thought, suddenly full of hope.

Of course, there was still the issue of figuring out what went wrong the last time. _‘Or maybe I should avoid that situation altogether?’_

He suddenly felt very stupid. _‘No. She said that outright. If in doubt…’_

A sudden realisation struck him; an obvious, if likely an extremely dangerous thought: _‘When in doubt about her, act as she would.’_

For some reason, this conclusion felt right to him, even if it sounded like a ticket straight to the trauma ward. On the other hand, he was almost a regular there already, to the point that he knew the ceiling of the NERV-dedicated room down to every discolouration and each crack. _‘She can’t be worse than an Angel. At least, she seems to **care** about me, in her own, odd way. Even if this is likely for her own benefit… I can live with that.’_

With that thought, he smiled and closed his eyes. There was not much else to do.

He was blissfully unaware that the satisfaction he felt was not entirely his own.

***

Sudden sound on the channel woke Shinji up.

“Third, give me a hand here”, Asuka’s excited voice requested.

“What? What with?” he managed to ask through the haze of sleep.

“Wake up and give me your sensor feed. I have a theory”, she commanded. “And I need you to help me verify it. Those sensor sweeps gave me an idea, but I could use a second source of data. Are you up to it?” she sounded impatient.

“What do you want me to check? Or do you need all of it?” his voice was becoming less hazy with every word.

“Don’t flood me, no. Use those coordinates”, numbers came in on the auxiliary comm display. “And fire a radar beam in the S-range. And have a radar detection active. I need data from both, as well-timed as possible. Give me the L-range feed just in case if this will not be enough.”

A few carefully entered commands directed Unit-01 radar feed to the comms. “Ready”, he reported. “Why do we have such array of sensors on a combat unit, actually?” he wondered briefly.

“Most likely to collect first-hand data as we carve up the Angels”, Asuka hypothesised, her voice somewhat absent. “Our Science Department loves detailed data on our enemy, reasonably so, and if a fight is away from a monitoring station, tough luck, right? So why not have a monitoring station in the middle of the battle?”

“But isn’t this sensitive equipment? We’re getting beaten raw almost every time we get out.”

Asuka shrugged. “What gives, they just replace it, I guess. NERV is a damn money sink anyway. This is why we get those neat stipends, right? The whole amount is just a rounding error for them.”

“What stipends?” Shinji asked in a bewildered voice.

“The ones you receive monthly as ‘consulting assistant for NERV’?” she replied, a hint of confusion in her voice.

“We’re getting paid?” Shinji’s voice was even more confused.

Asuka was speechless for a moment. “Let me guess. Your wonderful father forgot to tell you, and Misato didn’t care?”

“Well, I have my allowance–”

“For fuck’s sake, Third”, the redhead interrupted, her voice increasingly livid. “You’ve got a job of a fucking frontline shock trooper, just with more armour, you risk your life every time you deploy, you end up in hospital every other fight, **and you are content with allowance?!** ”.

“I… yes?” he replied as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.

Asuka’s facepalm was audible despite the dampening properties of LCL.

“This is something we’ll need to **seriously** talk about”, Asuka growled. “Not with you, with Misato. Really! And I thought you were just stingy and lacked taste when it came to clothes. Well, that’s another pebble in the heap of knowledge. Now, where were we…” she took a look at the incoming feeds. “Fire the radar beam. S-range, somewhere in the middle, please.”

Shinji, confused by the previous exchange, welcomed the simple order and aimed the radar at the coordinates she gave him. Almost as soon as he gave the command, he got a radar alert. “Asuka, I–”

An enthusiastic “Yes!” interrupted him.

“Asuka?” he probed.

“Again! Twice, a few seconds apart!” was the only reply.

He complied; following her commands was far simpler than answering her questions.

“Just as I thought! Thank you, this will do. Two microseconds. Pity those logs are not more precise”, Asuka growled. “Okay, ready to have your brain rearranged and your sanity broken?” she asked with surprising enthusiasm in her voice.

“No?” he replied as most people of sound mind would.

Asuka giggled. “Metaphorically. Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle”, she promised, her voice giddy.

“Okay?” he agreed reluctantly, not sure he could trust her reassurance.

“Great. Listen: there is… something, about six hundred metres from us. Well, somewhere between four hundred fifty and seven hundred fifty, considering how imprecise those logs are. So, let’s average at six”, she started her explanation.

“Inside the Angel? Someone else?” Shinji seemed confused. “Can we contact them?”

“Well… technically, yes”, she chuckled. “If you want your mind to suffer more, you can try to send a signal. But that would give us nothing”, she paused before dropping the bomb. “They’re us.”

“What”, was the only thing Shinji managed.

“Yeah, I was not _entirely_ joking about this broken sanity”, she chuckled again. “You get radar alert as you fire up the scan, right? It’s because you fire it _at yourself_ ”, she explained.

“How?” he asked, his voice bewildered once more.

“This whole thing… it’s a bubble of reality, about six hundred metres wide, plus-minus hundred-fifty. A pocket universe, if you will”, she explained.

“So… the radar beam reflects from the… wall of this… pocket and comes back?” Shinji tried to take the information in.

“Not… exactly, I believe”, Asuka replied. “It actually crosses the entirety of the universe we’re in and gets back to us from, well, the other side.”

“Okay…” he feigned understanding.

“Not ‘okay’”, she grinned. “This actually confirms some interesting theories I read about. I guess I could even write a paper about it if we ever get out and NERV doesn’t censor it”, she continued. “Let me start from the beginning, and you try to keep up”, she took a careful breath. “Let’s take an eleven-dimensional space, but for simplicity, consider only four dimensions, forming the space-time continuum, in other words, let’s take the Minkowski space model…”

***

_About twenty minutes later_

“Any questions to my enlightened conclusions?” Asuka asked, her voice tired but clearly satisfied.

Shinji was silent for a while; he would not admit it, but his head was spinning from the complexity of what Asuka just explained in – as she insisted – ‘layman’s terms’, only occasionally stumbling on a missing term and replacing it with a German one before explaining the concept in Japanese. “I… don’t know where to start. You’ll have to explain it properly, with paper and notes, and drawings–”

“Yeah… fat chance, about that, Third”, Asuka noted grimly, her mood suddenly soured. “Unless they manage to pull us out in the next hour or so, the only way you get to admire my genius is here and now. And if they didn’t manage to pull us by now, that means only desperate means are on the table and they wait for better ideas before they employ Plan Z.”

“It can’t be **that** –” he tried.

“Oh, shut up”, she growled. “You’re the born pessimist, the one that is always resigned to his fate, and suddenly you’re thinking we’re going to live? Be realistic!”

“They didn’t give up on us. I’m sure”, he declared with unusual certainty. “And it’s not that I’m always–”

“Stop it”, Asuka barked. “Bonus points for not apologising, and **maybe** you’re right”, her tone turned wistful. “But I think this is our grave. I hoped I would go in battle, not suffocating, but hey, at least I’m not alone, and you’re useful for something”, she grinned despite her eyes remaining glum. “I’m leaving the channel open for now – but if you try with the optimism again, I’m cutting it and we both are dying alone. It’s for goodbyes and dramatic last words when the time comes, okay?”

“Okay”, he agreed, clearly unconvinced.

***

Minutes passed. Asuka’s mind was becoming increasingly clouded.

“Mama?” she tried; something whispered to her softly in response. She felt the warm embrace; she was aware she was speaking some words, but she could not really remember what.

Slipping into the mindless oblivion felt like the right choice.

***

She awoke to a sharp feeling of anger, anger that was definitely not her own.

_‘Gott, was ist–’_

Her eyes scanned her Unit’s readings. None of them made sense: the batteries were drained – but the Evangelion was clearly moving on its own, and it was doing so without her input. The anger, initially chaotically scratching at her mind, was becoming more directed with every second. Unit-02’s hands started to claw at _something–_

 _–a_ nd _something_ was starting to give in. In the corner of her eye, she noticed Unit-01 was behaving in the same way: clawing at the space, making tears appear from nowhere. Asuka shook the haze off and embraced the rage that was until now just passing by her. She took it as her own with ease. Feeling her hands curl into vicious claws, she struck.

The fabric of reality gave in. Suddenly elated, almost ecstatic, she tried again.

Scant few seconds later, she was lurching forward, swimming in the sea of blood-red ichor and pushing torn pieces of tissue aside. Soon, the sensation of weightlessness that accompanied her for the last few hours suddenly disappeared and she found herself falling; a ground under her feet brought some measure of reality to her exhausted mind.

She – no, Unit-02 – was standing amidst a field of rubble, in a sea of blood and torn tissue, with the partially ruined skyline of Tokyo-3 visible just a few hundred metres away. Unit-01 was standing mere metres from her, hunched, its mouth open and its fingers curled in claws; a momentary gaze into its eyes was all she needed.

In concert, they threw their heads back; a sudden duet of primal roars shook the city without warning. Her voice echoed in the murky LCL just as her Eva’s roar reverberated across the city in chorus with the other Evangelion; a scream of a beast, suddenly released from its cage; a sound of victory.

 _‘Death to Angels_. _Death to those who oppose us. **Death to all** ’_ was running through her mind. She wanted to fight. She wanted to tear things apart. She wanted to **kill**.

Unit-02 kept roaring.

Finally, she felt a wave of exhaustion overtake her; Unit-02 dropped to its knees amongst the sea of ichor; Unit-01 followed soon after.

***

“Third, are you there?” she managed over the heavily crackly comms after. Her throat was sore; she was not entirely sure whether she had been screaming in concert with her Unit, or it was just a sympathetic reaction caused by synchronisation. She shook that thought off; it was completely irrelevant.

“Still alive, Asuka”, Shinji’s voice was tired and husky, but carried some of the same elation she felt. “I don’t know what happened… but I think we got saved…”

“No”, Asuka protested vehemently. “Oh, no. We… saved ourselves. I mean, our Evas saved us. Or… Aw, hell”, she was slowly losing her coherence again. “We’re saved”, she concluded.

A “Thank you”, came from him.

“For what?” she shook her increasingly clouded head.

“For being–”

Silence cut him off as the power went down.

***

“Asuka! Asuka, are you alive?” a distant voice of Major Katsuragi woke her up. Suddenly, she was shivering from the cold: the blanket of LCL was gone; she was able to breathe freely, but she was also far more exposed to the elements.

“I… I think I’m fine. Shinji?” she asked, despite the fact that speaking every word _hurt_ ; her throat felt _raw_.

“Alive and well. Don’t worry; we’re taking you somewhere safe”, the Major replied calmly, her voice reassuring. “Stretchers!” the Major commanded.

Asuka took another deep breath and slid into welcoming oblivion. _‘He’s alive. I can kill him. Once we both get well’_ was her last thought before the darkness overtook her.


	4. “Will you bear with me?”

_Friday afternoon_

Shinji Ikari was heading towards the relatively unused back exit of the school building; he had been using it every time when he preferred to avoid meeting anyone – and while there was a lot he should say to a particular person right now, he knew it would be a difficult conversation, pretty much unsuitable for a public place.

He also knew it was necessary. He was just unwilling to initiate it.

As he wandered the empty corridors, his thoughts drifted to events of yesterday.

***

After the Evangelions finally powered down and their Entry Plugs were pulled out, they were allowed to shower and change, were given a thorough medical check-up by Doctor Akagi, given a clean bill of health – and brought before the command staff. Shinji was placed in a white box with a chair, a speaker, and a microphone, a glass separating him from the people interrogating him; from their behaviour, he could guess Asuka was just next to him, in a similar box.

The debriefings started a moment later, and while Shinji did his best, he was – regrettably to everyone involved – unable to provide any useful answers; most of the time inside was spent either arguing with Asuka or hallucinating from sensory deprivation. This, obviously, did not stop the NERV personnel from grilling him for hours – with breaks where his interrogators would seemingly argue between each other. He could not hear what they were saying, but it seemed that Misato and Doctor Akagi disagreed so much that the Vice-Commander had to intervene to bring the meeting to order – that is, interrogation of the pilots.

Shinji was told that the recorders had been disabled soon after falling into the void – which means they had a good idea what happened during the battle – but they had not started to work again until the Units stopped berserking – long after the most interesting time period has ended.

This has put the pilots into the unenviable position of being the only source of information NERV could actually count on when it came to the Angel’s behaviour – and, more importantly, the reasons for the berserk and the unlikely simultaneous occurrence in both units. Unfortunately, he was unable to answer either: he gave a very thorough description of what he saw, including his participation in Asuka’s measurements, but he could say nothing on the berserk – mainly due to being barely conscious at this stage.

Finally, after about six hours in which the interrogators switched between him and Asuka, he was released and driven home by Section 2; he was barely able to stand at that time. Asuka arrived about half an hour later in a similar condition. He gave her the simple supper he was able to make in the meantime; she thanked him with a tired look and retreated to her room – but not before stopping abruptly, retreating her steps, and giving him a long, bone-crushing, but also very confusing hug. A hug he returned without understanding – but with feeling and gratitude.

***

With his head full of thoughts, he easily missed a pale hand that shot from the shadows. Two seconds later, he was pressed against the wall by a surprisingly strong arm pressed against his collarbone.

“Hello, Third. We need to talk”, Asuka’s voice sounded ominous in the shadowed corridor.

His fight-or-flight response, triggered at the sudden attack, vanished at the sight of those blue eyes. “Hello, Asuka… why here?”

She rolled her eyes. “Privacy” she explained. “Don’t ask. Listen, we need to talk.”

He nodded. “You just said that. I… I’m sorry for pulling you there.”

She glared at him, her brows furrowed, clearly unable to comprehend what he just said. “Third, for fuck’s sake”, she retorted after a few seconds, her voice between annoyed and exasperated. “I went there on my own will. I tried to rescue you. A ‘thank you’ would be far better than ‘sorry’. And you thanked me already, so. Now we’re at least even, right?” she smiled with a corner of her mouth.

“Even?” he blinked.

“The volcano, idiot”, she rolled her eyes. “You saved me then, I saved you now… well, tried to save you. Now, tell me one thing before I realise I am wasting my breath: did you mean what you said there? The… well, deal we made?”

He nodded. “Yes?”

“Wasn’t it just ‘we’re going to die so I’m going to be nice’ mode?” she pressed on.

“Asuka… you’re giving me too much credit on social skills. I can’t really lie well”, he admitted.

She chuckled. “Well, you’re Japanese, you people are good at pretending. But I guess I do give you too much credit. Okay–”

“But”, he interjected, “We **really** should find a better way to communicate important things than yelling them out during combat”, he noticed in a matter-of-fact tone.

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, perhaps. I’ll think about it. But it’s the… easiest way. You know, less time to think.”

“Since when you prefer the easy way instead of a challenge?” he raised an eyebrow.

She stared at him, her eyes full of disbelief. “Who are you and what have you done to Shinji? Or, actually, when did you have your spine insertion surgery?”

Shinji smiled sheepishly. “I’m just wondering.”

“You’re not ‘just wondering’, Third, you’re becoming cheeky. And do you know what I do with boys that get too cheeky with me?” she narrowed her eyes, the threat evident in her eyes.

“You are becoming more direct or even physical with them, which in my case could mean you would kiss me more?” he retorted, his smile widening a bit.

Asuka’s jaw dropped just a bit; recovering almost immediately, she shook her head. “Are you putting all this act just to kiss me?” she asked in a confused voice.

His demeanour became serious in a split second. “It’s not an act, I told you, I don’t have the skill to act. I just… like you”, he stated. “And, well, I want you to be… happy.”

Asuka released her grip on him and took a step back, turning her back to him in one smooth move.

“Asuka?” he probed.

“Shut the fuck up, idiot, and hold me. No questions, okay?” she asked in a voice not entirely her own.

Shinji took a step forward, embraced the redhead at waist height, and hugged her tight. In that embrace, he could feel her steady but heavy breathing with an occasional shiver passing through her body. After one of such shivers, he felt Asuka’s hand covering his and grasping it tightly; he just smiled.

They stood like this for a few minutes; after all, they were not in any hurry now.

Finally, Asuka shook her head again.

“Can you bear with me, i-Shinji?” her voice was just above a whisper; a note of hope was mixed with a lot of doubt. “Can you take me like this?”

“I… I don’t know”, he admitted carefully, eliciting an immediate scoff from her, accompanied by an attempt to get out of his embrace; to her surprise, it was too firm to let her go. “I really don’t know”, he repeated, hugging her a bit tighter. “And I won’t lie to you about it, not ever. But I will try.”

“No trying here. Do or do not”, she stated curtly, her voice shaky.

“Well, it’s like with the Angels, right? Do or die trying?” he smiled just a little bit.

She might not have been able to break out, but she wiggled enough space to turn to face him; their eyes met. “I’m no Angel, and I’m no angel, either”, she blurted out, her voice steadier, but softer and slowly dropping to a whisper. “The one that fell, perhaps, yes, that would be fitting”, her tone went somehow sad. “Bear with me, and you will not regret it. I will make it worth for you”, she paused, her voice dropping to barely audible. “I promise.”

He nodded slowly. Asuka’s language was a bit too metaphor-laden for him, but something told him it was not the best idea to question her about it right now; he just made a mental note to question her on ‘one that fell’ concept. “As I said: I will try. Just… bear with me, too?”

“You’re easy to bear with, as long as you’re not such a doormat”, she smirked, her voice regaining some volume.

“That’s a part of me, sorry”, he admitted, realising too late he was just confirming her opinion. “Even if I fight it, it emerges again. Sorry, that’s one of those things to bear with.”

“I’ll try” the smirk shifted to a crooked smile.

“Do or do not–”

She shot him a sudden death glare. “That’s cheeky again. You’re getting worse by the minute, you know?” she growled in a stern voice, but despite her best efforts, a note of amusement crept in. “Or better, hell, I don’t know with you anymore!”

“Is that a complaint?” he raised an eyebrow.

She smirked. “Maybe. Or maybe a challenge.”

Still in his embrace, she pushed him against the wall again. “Ow”, he complained when his head hit the solid concrete. “What was that for?”

“For being in the wrong position for me to do **this** ”, she purred and pressed her entire body against his.

Half a second later, Shinji’s vision turned white as Asuka planted her lips at his own. The kiss began softly, but within an eyeblink, it turned far more aggressive than ever before.

Seeing no better reply, he returned it as best as he could.

And the kiss just kept going.

***

Shinji Ikari was walking home, his stride quick. His stomach was turning in both fear and anticipation. In the last few days, events have progressed from “I think Asuka likes me”, to “Asuka hates me”, to “Asuka risked her life to save me”, to “Asuka wants to kill me”, to “Asuka just talked to me and gave me the fiercest kiss ever”. This was a rollercoaster he was not entirely capable of coping with. At least he was going up at the moment.

_“Okay, here’s the plan”_ he recalled Asuka’s words after she had broken the kiss. _“I am leaving right now. You wait three minutes and leave too. Three is the amount you wait, not four, nor two, unless you then go to three”_ , she paused, smiling to herself for reasons unknown to Shinji. _“Then we both go home, separately. If we’re lucky, Misato will be away, and we can continue what we just started in peace.”_

_“Continue?”_ he expressed his confusion. She glared in response.

_“I sure hope this was not enough for you, because it certainly wasn’t for me_ ”, she elaborated with a gleam in her eye. _“But this place is not very safe, it’s not comfortable, and I’d rather not be swept out by some overzealous student with a broom. And if Misato’s home, we can go somewhere else”,_ she finished her explanation.

He could only nod to the simplicity of the plan. The question of whether she meant continuing to talk or to kiss temporarily evaded his mind – after all, as long as it was with Asuka, either would fine.

***

“I’m home!” he announced the moment the door closed behind him.

“Welcome home”, a pleasant-sounding Asuka greeted him; two seconds later she came into his field of view in a skipping step. Shinji, after blinking few times, realised his eyes did not deceive him: she was wearing a dress again, perhaps not the fanciest one she had, but definitely one he never saw her wear at home. He stopped and stared.

_‘Okay, let’s think about it calmly’,_ he forced himself to focus. ‘ _She has enough home clothing to wear, I know because I take care of washing them, so this is not out of necessity. This has to be deliberate. Have I missed something? An occasion? She didn’t mention going out, did she change her plans?’_ the barrage of thoughts ran through his head.

Unable to reach a logical conclusion under pressure, Shinji considered his options, recalled his experiences and promises, and took the mortal risk:

“You… look great in this dress”, he stated, blushing softly; it sounded flat in his mouth, but it was too late to try again. “I… I like it. I mean, you in it. I mean–”

Asuka first smiled, then chuckled. Approaching him in a quick step, she placed a finger on his lips. “Thank you”, her smile turned into a smirk. Seeing his blush, she tried not to think how much her cheeks burned. “But you’re doing good, don’t mess this up, okay?”

Shinji nodded. As the finger moved away from his mouth, he opened them to speak – but was not given the chance: a sudden kiss cut his half-formed thought off and – as a side effect – send most of his reserve blood supply elsewhere, making thinking harder. A warm body pressed against his own finalised the process. He did the only logical thing: he started kissing back.

***

Shinji Ikari was a boy with a rather selective knowledge and limited experience: he was an average student, quite a good cook, and a passable person to talk to, as long as he had something to say. But it the area of more personal, or gods forbid, intimate interaction, he was rather green. The fact that his previous attempts were brought to an abrupt halt, he was anything but confident about the current ones. Still, he knew this was what Asuka was expecting of him – and disappointing her was not an option.

Of course, the major problem with the performance anxiety was that it tended to affect the performance in a major way.

“Don’t worry, it happens”, Asuka shrugged. “Nothing to worry about.”

“But it’s the first time it happened to me!” Shinji protested, his expression pained.

“I said, don’t worry about it”, she insisted. “It’s not the end of the world!”

“But–”

“Keep going like that and I **will** kill you, even if only to put you out of your misery”, her voice gained an aggressive note.

“But it was Misato’s favourite cup!” he protested again. “And I broke it in a really stupid way!”

Asuka chuckled. “Her favourite cup is the one that has hot coffee inside in the morning or beer in the evening – if she even cares to pour it from the can”, she commented offhandedly. “Now, let’s clean that up before I start to think that you did it on purpose because you’re afraid to… continue”, she narrowed her eyes even further.

Shinji’s lips became a thin line. Asuka tilted her head, then blinked in realisation.

“You are!” she exclaimed, clearly surprised and somehow miffed. “Don’t speak”, she commanded as she saw Shinji drawing a breath. “For fuck’s sake, Third, how many times I am to repeat that? I promise not to kill you unless you do something truly wrong, okay? And don’t think you ever will”, she continued, her voice still raised. “I… okay, I think I can even promise I won’t run away, not without an explanation. Is this good enough for you?”

Shinji let out the breath he was holding. “Thank you”, he whispered.

Asuka shot him a glare. “It does not mean you’re getting out of this easily, considering the rollercoaster you’re putting me through. But, knowing you mean well, well…” she closed the distance between them again, pressing Shinji again against the tabletop. “Keep your hands on me, Third, don’t wave them around, we don’t want another… casualty”, she glared at the shattered cup on the tabletop.

Before he could answer, his lips were busy again. He did the only one sensible thing – he followed her suggestions.

***

_‘I might’ve made a serious mistake…’_

Asuka, having finally achieved the goal she was aiming for – Shinji Ikari focused exclusively on her, his hands wandering around her backs and sides, his lips and tongue engaged by her own – realised that while all was well, her current attire made a discreet and effective escalation impossible. In simpler words, there was no way for Shinji to slide his hands underneath the dress properly – that is, with any reasonable mobility – without either partially undressing her or sliding in from the very bottom of the dress. Considering that both of those options felt quite brave for _her_ , they were most likely unthinkable for _him_.

_‘Okay, let’s see how this goes, worst case scenario I’ll just stop him and go change… damn it, I can’t, he’ll think I’m running…’_ she realised with dismay and rising panic. _‘Gott, why does this have to be so complicated…’_ she growled internally.

Shinji, unaware of the storm of thoughts running underneath Asuka’s red mane, simply kept going. His hands were sliding around the redhead’s back, sometimes running up Asuka’s neck, sometimes sliding under the wide shoulder-straps and running over her shoulder blades. At the same time, a storm of thoughts of his own was starting, as he was aware that this was exactly the moment everything went wrong the last time: he did not do anything else, anything new. His heart, already racing, sped up as the panic began to rise.

His salvation came from the most unexpected direction. As his hand slid down Asuka’s neck to her shoulder, she inhaled sharply and broke the kiss for a second.

“Asuka?”

She shook her head. “It’s nothing”, she whispered. “Just some tense muscle. Don’t worry about that”, she insisted.

“Do you want me to help with that?” he asked, their faces still less than a centimetre from each other, both flushed, their breaths quick.

“I don’t think you’re a qualified physiotherapist?” she raised her eyes just a bit to meet his.

“Not qualified, but I have two hands and you can try to guide me?” he replied, his voice a bit louder.

Asuka was about to shrug and resume the not-progressing-but-rather-pleasant activity when a thought struck her. It was a very dangerous, very tricky, but also a horribly tempting thought.

“Okay, Third”, she took a deep breath. “If you’re willing…” she paused, eliciting a cautious nod from him. “But you promise me two things before, okay?”

He nodded in reply.

“One, **you** will not run away. Two, when I tell you to leave, you will leave and wait for me until I come to you to explain”, she listed. “Can I count on that?”

Shinji seemed confused, but this did not stop him before – and it was not going to stop him now. “Of course? I promise?”

“Good”, she smiled. “Now, I will go to my room. You… I think you should hide the body and destroy the evidence of your horrible crime on this cup. Follow me in five minutes. No sooner. Okay?”

Shinji’s confusion returned. “Okay?”

“You’ll understand. Trust me”, she requested with a smug smile as she straightened. “See you in five”, she grinned, kissed him on the cheek, and walked away, almost skipping again.

Shinji Ikari was left standing in the kitchen, with confusion in his mind and turmoil in his heart. _‘This… is strange’_ , was his only conclusion he could be reasonably certain of. _‘Still, this went better than the last time… I guess. I suppose all we need to get along is a dose of mortal danger to get along’_ , he concluded, half-bitter, half-amused before turning to the shattered ceramics. He was not sure what Asuka had in mind, but he knew better than to let her wait.


	5. “Will you touch me?”

“Come in!”

Shinji slid the door of Asuka’s room open, not sure what to expect – but determined to take it seriously.

To his surprise, the sight was fairly mundane: Asuka was sitting in her desk chair, putting away a book she was likely reading as he knocked at the door. The only notable difference was her changed attire: now she was wearing a loose yellow t-shirt that he saw her wear only on hot days at home – and a simple grey cloth skirt that ended just before her knee that he had never seen her wear before.

For some reason, this whole attire appealed to him far more than any fancy dress.

“Close the door”, she requested. “If you’re still willing to go through with it”, she added, cautiously.

Shinji reached behind and slid the door close.

“Good”, she smiled. “If Misato returns, we can simply tell her we studied together, or I can yell at you for intruding, or something like that”, she chuckled. “Don’t worry, she’d give you a scolding at worst. Now, turn around.”

Shinji frowned at that but decided to obey. A few seconds of rustling sounds later, he started to wonder what was going on.

“You can turn back, and don’t scream”, he heard an amused, but also somewhat anxious voice. Turning around to see its source, he immediately understood why.

Asuka was lying face-down on her bed with her hands along her body, wearing the skirt she wore before – and only the skirt.

The _Shinji Ikari’s Train of Thought_ , a rather unstable vehicle full of anxiety, past experiences with Asuka, and general tendencies to behave cautiously, rapidly approached the Panic Station and sped past it. The only thing stopping him from reaching the Runaway Depot was Shinji’s recent promise. But he was aware that even this was not going to stop him for long.

“A-Asuka?” a clearly panicked voice reached the redhead.

“What?” she raised her head just a bit from the pillow. “Were you going to massage me through my clothing?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “Come on, it’s about as much as you see then we have swimming on PE, right?”

“Y-yes, but–”

“Keep going like that and I’m rising from this bed to talk to you properly”, she threatened with a mean smirk. “And we’ll see how well you’ll fare **then** ”, she grinned.

_‘Well, I won’t’_ , she admitted to herself in a quick moment of sincerity, _‘but I doubt he has enough guts to call me on that particular bluff. On the other hand…’_ she pondered, her cheeks slowly turning red in the process before she squashed that though. _‘No. Nope. Making-out is fine, fondling is fine, but let’s hold the horses’,_ she chastised herself. “The baby oil is on the nightstand.”

“Baby oil?” Shinji was doing his best to return his mind into the proper gear with the limited amount of blood he had on his disposal.

Asuka raised an eyebrow and lifted her head a bit further, making Shinji’s task even harder. “Were you going to do it _dry_? I’m starting to question your competence here”, she chuckled.

“No, I mean–” he stopped himself. “I respectfully require you hold your judgement until I actually perform, ma’am”, he recited instead.

Asuka giggled, recognising the quote from the less-than-perfect but definitely enjoyable comedy they watched before the unfortunate spat.

“Well, I expect nothing but perfection, or I will file a customer complain”, she replied more-or-less as the dialogue in the scene went.

“You’re free to, but I’m afraid I’m self-employed”, he retorted in-kind in a slightly more relaxed voice as he approached the bed.

_‘Let’s hope this ends better than in the movie…’_ she giggled internally, having recalled that this particular scene ended in a wild street chase that lacked only _Yakety Sax_ as a background. A small knot of anxiety tied in her stomach. _‘Am I not moving too fast? What if he–’_

His warm hands touched her shoulders and the knot flew away on the wings of butterflies that suddenly swept by. She let out a short purr as the hands moved about her neck and shoulders.

***

Shinji Ikari’s hands were shaking. This was not much of a problem once they rested upon Asuka’s skin, but that caused – or, actually, exacerbated – other problems. Still, he was trying his best to do what he can – first and foremost, he was trying not to hurt Asuka.

“Shinji?” a voice disrupted his focus.

“Y-yes?”

“I said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m not made of glass”, she insisted in a slightly slurred speech, her face resting against the pillow. “And while this is definitely pleasant… it’s not doing the work”, she elaborated. “Put some strength into it – I know you can”, she demanded.

“I-I’ll try”, he hesitated.

Asuka rolled her eyes. “Do or do not. There is no try”, she paused, her mood slightly soured by the certainty that Shinji will not get the joke. “Also, what’s the worst that can happen? You can’t give me any pain worse than we suffer in our Evas in battle”, she insisted. ‘ _Well, at least not physically…’_ , she realised before squashing the thought. “Keep going!” she demanded louder.

“As you wish!” he replied in quite proper English, regaining his focus and completely missing the fact that this sentence made Asuka’s ears go completely red.

***

Asuka was fighting an urge to purr. From the moment she told Shinji to use more force, the massage went from ‘this is pleasant but he’s messing around and this will get annoying soon’ to ‘he might not be very good at it but he’s not that bad, either’ to ‘I’ll kill him if he stops too soon’ to less coherent and definitely forward sensations that were slowly radiating down her body.

This, of course, had made her wonder once more whether she was not going too far – but this time, it was about her own limits.

Thinking about his words did not help, either. Shinji was, most certainly, oblivious of the subtext of the phrase, having never seen the movie she associated it with. But for Asuka, it held meaning – and that meaning was currently running through her head. _‘I wonder whether he would say it if he knew what it could mean… and how would I take it then’_ , she pondered. _‘We really, really, **really** need to talk about that little detail… about what we – ahh maybe later’_, she decided as a particularly well-placed pressure caused a pleasant shiver.

“Asuka? Are you all right?” a distant voice reached her.

“Keep going”, she mumbled into the pillow, suddenly aware that she must have let out a moan or a particularly loud purr. “Don’t mind me.”

“As you wish”, he replied with a smile, not helping the situation in the slightest.

_‘I will find that movie, with subtitles, and I will stare at you all the time while you watch that scene, and I will watch you go red as it goes on…’_

Having a plan of revenge, Asuka Langley Soryu decided to simply enjoy the hands of a musician she currently found herself in.

***

A softer touch to her side sent another, unexpected wave of pleasure along her body. _‘Uh oh’_ was her only realisation. This was definitely pleasant, maybe even too pleasant. _‘Hold it. Hold it right there.’_

“Shinji…” she spoke up.

“Yes?” his hands stopped short of repeating the same touch on the other side of her body.

“Let’s…” she paused, trying to find the right words, knowing that every one of them could make or break the moment. “Keep doing what you were doing before… but go no further. Okay?”

“Asuka?” his hands moved away.

“I didn’t say ‘stop’, id-Shinji”, she let out a heavy breath. “I said ‘no further’. Keep going”, she demanded and paused, looking for words. It was anything but trivial in her current state of relaxation, though. “Just… don’t do that last thing, okay?”

“As–”

“And–” she interrupted a bit harsher than she wished to. “And don’t say that… not yet. I’ll explain later, okay?”

He hesitated, but this has not been the strangest request he ever heard from Asuka – and saw no reason not to comply. “Of course, Asuka. Any… particular wishes?”

“I’m… fine. I think. Focus on the shoulders and spine…” she requested before pausing again. “But remember, you have to be able to write and cook tomorrow”, she added weakly. An odd sensation in her stomach reminded her that the cooking part was also about today.

“I can go for a few more minutes”, he replied. “I mean, it’s quite fine.”

“‘Fine’?” she chuckled weakly. “You have your hands on the hottest girl at school and it’s just ‘fine’?”

“I-I mean I–” he started in a panicked voice.

A giggle interrupted him. “Gott, you’re so easy to fluster it’s almost no fun. Just… finish when you start to get tired, okay? I think I’m starting to get hungry.”

“Oh. Right”, his voice suggested a sudden realisation. “Good that Misato didn’t return, she’d have a lot of questions”, he added as his hands started to move again.

“Nah. She’d just think we got into an argument and I went to sulk and you got burdened by guilt–ahh you’re sure you never did this before?”

“Pretty sure, but your reactions are quite good tells”, he explained.

A thought appeared in Asuka’s mind, a devious, very inappropriate, but also very insistent thought. She pushed it aside before speaking up, forcing the tattered remnants of her will into shaping the sentence. “Okay, I think I’m more hungry than I am tense…” she half-lied. “So… could we move to the ‘food’ part?”

“Ah. Sure”, he quickly finished the down-the-spine movement and pulled his hands away. “I’ll… get to making something right away”, he stood up and took a step towards the door.

“Shinji?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you”, Asuka started to rise slowly from the bed, her back still turned to him.

“Noproblemnoproblematall!” he rattled out, slid the door open, and departed – all within three seconds.

Asuka tilted her head before sitting on the bed, looking down, and realising her state of undress. _‘Oh. Fuck. I think… I think I got sloppy’_ , she concluded. _‘Or not. Or maybe I simply feel safer around him?’_

She stretched; while far from perfect, her shoulders felt far better. _‘If he doesn’t die from a heart attack right there and doesn’t run away right now, I guess I’ll have to ask him to do this again… But with a bit more… precautions’_ , she giggled. _‘I… I don’t think any of us is ready for this particular step. Speaking of which…’_

Rising from the bed and retrieving her t-shirt, she slid the door close.

***

It was dark outside as the two teenagers were sitting at the table, engaged in a process that could only be described as ‘wolfing the food down’. Even Shinji, usually concerned about the table manners, was keeping them to a bare minimum.

Asuka’s bowl was first to hit the table. “Gott, this is kind of impressive”, she spoke up as she swallowed the last mouthful. “You made _this_ in less than fifteen minutes, and it’s far better than that shit Misato needs an hour to brew.”

Shinji smiled sheepishly between his final bites and finished his meal as his favourite redhead continued her praise.

“Another talent to add to the list of benefits of…” she paused, suddenly realising she just talked herself in a bit of a corner; this realisation was immediately confirmed by a half-scared, half-curious look from Shinji. “Of having you”, she finished. _‘Great, that sounded just brilliant, didn’t it? Just like I was thinking about owning him’,_ she grumbled internally. _‘On the other hand, it’s not **that** far-fetched…’_

“Asuka?” she suddenly heard a concerned tone and realised Shinji was no longer at the table – he was standing above her, his hand approaching her face. “Are you all right? You’re all red.”

“I’m fine!” she protested quickly. “Just…” she paused for a second. “It was quite hot, okay? I got flushed”, she rattled out a fast lie. “I’m fine. So… what’s on the menu now?” she quickly changed the subject. _‘If he says ‘you’, I’m going to slap him, and then kiss him’_ , she chuckled internally.

Shinji raised an eyebrow. “Nothing, food-wise”, he replied as he picked up her bowl. “But I believe we still have homework to do.”

“Ah, yes. Homework”, Asuka grumbled, her mood momentarily soured. “What sins have I committed to deserve that?” she sighed dramatically.

“I don’t know, but my guess would be pride and wrath”, Shinji replied from the kitchen tabletop, speaking over the sound of running water.

“Yeah, I guess–wait, did you just take a jab at my impeccable character?” Asuka’s tone suddenly changed to a mix of anger and disbelief.

Shinji turned to face her, freshly washed pot in his hands. He shrugged softly. “I believe I did”, he smiled. “Should I commit an honourable suicide with this pot, or do you prefer to execute me yourself, adding veracity to the charge of being guilty of wrath?”

Asuka narrowed her eyes. “If ‘being meek’ was a sin, you’d be for a really long, long penance. Lucky for you, it is the meek who shall inherit the Earth, or at least so it was promised”, she shrugged. “I don’t see how this would work, though. Oh well, it’s no time for Bible lessons”, she concluded as she rose from her seat, approached Shinji, and took the pot out of his hands. “Keep doing the dishes, I’ll dry them out. Misato might be working late, but I hate wasting time when we could be spending it in a far better way.”

“Like how?” he asked, his eyebrow raised. Asuka was about to call him an idiot again when she noticed a minor twitch of his lips. She chuckled.

“Like ‘talking’, you know”, Asuka smiled. _‘And perhaps adding “lust” to the list of my sins today?’_ , she thought unexpectedly. She got that thought under control, but not before blushing again.

“Asuka? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine”, she lied, grabbing the plate in his hands and applying the dishtowel with a vengeance. “I just got a lot on my mind, okay? And no”, she quickly added as she saw him open his mouth, “I don’t want to talk about. Not yet. Let me think it over beforehand, okay?”

Shinji’s mind considered the first automatic answer – an apology – and rejected it. Then it moved to the second – the ‘as you wish’ phrase he must have acquired from somewhere – before rejecting it due to Asuka’s wish not long ago. Bereft of two ready options, his autopilot threw up an error and requested the driver’s input. Shinji shook his head.

“Well, take all the time you need… you know where to find me”, he paused as he realised something. “Say, what was the sin where you don’t do your work?”

“Yes, I know where you live. And the answer to your question is ‘sloth’”, she replied, chuckling at the obvious change of subject. “Is this some oh-so-subtle suggestion on your part?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Well, the homework…” he reminded her again.

Asuka rolled her eyes. “Fine, fine”, she grumbled. “I’ll get to it. If you’re so concerned, you can stand over me when I do”, she chuckled.

“Well, we can do them together here, right?” Shinji pointed to the kitchen table.

Asuka pondered for a moment. She enjoyed the privacy of her room, but she had to admit that spending time with Shinji was kind of pleasant, even if they are were not doing things _together_ , but _next to each other_. On the other hand, she was sorely tempted to simply ditch today’s work. On yet another…

“Sure, why not”, she paused and considered her other plans for the evening before continuing. “Give me about twenty minutes and I’ll be here… then we can get to it.”

***

“Asuka, that’s not all. There are two problems left in the Math homework”, Shinji pointed out.

“You’re worse than Misato, sometimes”, Asuka grumbled.

Shinji raised his eyebrow. “I don’t remember her berating us about our homework recently. Last time was more than a month ago? While we were stuck here, and our classmates were in Okinawa? It’s almost as if she stopped caring”, his voice suddenly got sadder.

Asuka let out a sigh. “I think she does, just doesn’t have much time to spare. I don’t know. She’s not that bad, to be honest.”

“Maybe you’re right”, he sighed. “I’m worried about her, actually.”

Asuka chuckled. “You’re worried just about anyone, you know? Me, Misato, your buddies…”

“Not anyone. I worry about people I like, that’s all”, he smiled absentmindedly.

_‘And here goes my peaceful night, turned into a mill of thinking’_ , the redhead grumbled internally. _‘If we don’t have this talk soon, I’ll go crazy. Or I’ll murder him to cut the uncertainty. We’re dating-except-not-but-actually-we-do, but… ugh.’_

“Asuka?” a distant voice struck again.

“What?” she asked angrily before realising what was going on and where she was. “Ah. Right. Maths. Okay, what’s next?”

Somewhere on the head of Shinji Ikari, another hair started to turn grey.

***

_Later that evening_

Misato Katsuragi returned home just before midnight, finding it dark and silent. She sighed heavily; her work has been taking its toll; as much as she wanted to spend time with her kids – _her kids_ still sounding odd in her mind, but she could not argue with the facts – she was simply not able to.

She entered the kitchen and found a note on the fridge: “I am sorry, I had no time to cook anything proper, I hope this will suffice. Please warm it up before eating. S.”

She smiled, then frowned. _‘What could have occupied Shin-chan?’_ , she pondered, then shook it off. She was too tired to think about it and set out to warm her late supper. It might be called ‘not elaborate’ by his standards for sure, but it was still far better than what she would have ever prepared herself.

Halfway the meal and past first can of beer, she froze.

“They. Didn’t.”

She jumped to her feet and rushed to Shinji’s room. Peeking through the narrow slit between the door and the wall, she sighed in relief. He was in his bed, alone. She stepped back, intending to finish her meal.

Another paranoid thought seized her.

“What if…”

She ran to her condom stash; she had shown its location to Shinji, telling him to use it in a case he needed it; she had the mercy not to say: “in an _unlikely_ case you need them”. All accounted for, except the one she used for the demonstration during The Talk she gave them not so long ago. _‘Some even expired’_ , an annoying voice in the back of her head pointed out. She growled at it, aware of both its truthfulness and irrelevancy.

She shook her head. “I’m getting too jumpy…” she admitted to herself and returned to her meal, finishing it before another thought struck her and she went pale.

_‘Damn it. If no condom is missing… what if this means they **ignored** protection altogether?’_ she broke a cold sweat. _‘Ritsuko will kill me slowly and messily if she is forced to create a maternity plugsuit, and the Commander is going to question my abilities to control the pilots… not to mention the chaos and embarrassment it will bring. But there is no way to verify it… except asking them. God, I didn’t think taking care of them would involve **this** ’_, she facepalmed.

She looked at the empty can on the table and decided she was still too sober for this. Opening the cabinet, she pulled a bottle of bourbon she kept for emergencies and poured herself a double.

_‘I must confront them in the morning…’_


	6. “Can I love you?”

_Saturday morning_

“Misato, I told you five times, and I will repeat it again. We. Did. Not. Have. Sex.” Asuka’s voice was a mix of anger, annoyance, and exasperation. Her face was almost as red as her hair, her eyes were shooting darts, and her fists were clenched. She was silently counting on Shinji’s quick return from his “fast emergency shopping trip” he was sent by Misato under some – obviously made-up – pretence.

“Asuka, if you did, you have nothing to worry about. Just be honest with me!” Misato’s voice was equally exasperated.

“Misato, I’m telling you. We. Did. Not. I don’t know how to convince you–”

“By telling me the truth?”

“ **That’s the truth!** ” Asuka suddenly yelled, eliciting a groan of pain from her guardian. “What do you expect me to do?! Lie that we did, or maybe submit to a fucking gyno inspection?!” she snarled, venom seeping from every word.

Misato paused, her jaws tight. The fact that she should chide Asuka for the language slipped her mind. Actually, the thought about requesting a medical examination has crossed her mind before, but the idea made her cringe as fast as she thought of it. It was not something she would be willing to request from Asuka under any reasonable circumstance, not to mention she was not willing to deal with a number of questions such request would raise from any doctor cleared to perform an exam on a Pilot. _‘And I’m surely not asking the good doctor Akagi to perform it… not that I’d trust her with anything right now’_ , she realised and shook her head. “No, don’t worry, that’s out of the question. Just… you know how **bad** it would be if–”

“Misato, for fuck’s sake”, Asuka growled, but her voice showed some relief. “I’m not some stupid, mad-in-love girl” she managed to say in a calmer voice. _‘I’m a very smart, mad-in-love girl, but let’s ignore that’,_ “and I’m not going to jump into anyone’s bed on a whim. And if I do, trust me, I have enough knowledge to–”

Beep. Hiss. Both heads turned towards the apartment’s door.

“I’m not sure if that was what you wanted, Misato, but I think I’ve got it all-oh, hi, Asuka, you’re up”, Shinji announced his arrival with a somehow forced smile and some discomfort. “Have I interrupted something?”

Misato un-clenched her jaw with some effort. “Nothing that couldn’t wait for now, I think. I’ll let you both get ready for school” she rose from the chair and went to get her work bag from her room. “See you in the evening”, she added, leaving them behind as she rushed out.

_‘She was so worked up from that… I guess I can believe her. I should question him…’_

She sighed again. _‘When did I sign up for this? Teenagers are **hard** … The good thing in all this is that questioning him can wait. She’ll be either too embarrassed or too angry to discuss it with him right now.’_

***

“… and then she asked, point-blank, if we had sex!” Asuka voice was bordering on a growl. “I felt like in front of an inquisition tribunal. Again. Twice in three days”, she added, exasperated.

“And what did you tell her?” Shinji asked, putting his shoes on.

“What are you, stupid?” she spat out. “The truth!”

“The **whole** truth?” he inquired, his eyebrows raised.

She stared at him for a moment, her hand tugging on the shoe’s back. Shinji’s brain, fed an input it very much liked, told him to compliment her legs. He ignored that; it was definitely not the right time.

“No, idiot. I didn’t tell her anything about **us** , I’m not going to spill our secrets, I am smarter than that”, she dropped her foot and pierced him with a stare. “And you better not, either, no matter how much she tries to make you say something. Ad rem: by any definition that I know, not to mention by any sane reasoning, we **didn’t** have sex, and that’s what I told her. Six, well, seven times. She seemed to believe me in the end” Asuka explained while they stepped out and started their walk towards the school. “And then you came in.”

Shinji let out a breath of relief. “That’s good. I thought it was a little suspicious when she sent me for that cake… especially that she didn’t take it to work afterwards”, he eyed the carton box conspicuously left on the table before walking back to the kitchen and putting the box in the fridge.

Asuka shrugged. “We just need to be more careful and not give her any indicators. I’ll figure something out.”

“You want to lie to Misato?” Shinji’s entire body language showed that he was uncomfortable with the concept.

“Not **lie**. I don’t like to lie, too easy to get tangled in a web of lies, even if you’re as smart as I am. And I know you’re not good at it at all, even if now I know that your brain is actually working. But!” Asuka focused on Shinji, eliciting a surprised look from him. “She threw a false accusation based on… I don’t even know what? A hunch? Because I assume you didn’t take any of her condoms?” she narrowed her eyes at him.

_‘No, I bought my own’_ was the answer that rattled in his mind, but he refrained from giving it, even if it was true. “No, definitely not. I don’t know… I think she trusts us and wants to maintain that trust, she’s just… I don’t know, careful?”

He stopped for a moment, next thought being so absurd that his brain had to process it twice. “Like a doting mother would?”

Asuka stopped as well. “She doesn’t feel like a mother to me in any way, not in comparison to how I remember my own mother. But I guess you would trigger some motherly instinct in her”, she grinned.

Shinji raised his eyebrow. “Like you wouldn’t. For your age, I’m sure you trigger a lot of parenting instincts. I sometimes worry if you’re eating right, you know? Why do you think I like to cook for you?”

Asuka’s mouth opened and closed, shock clear on her reddening face. _‘That… cheeky… little…’_

Her shock turned into a smirk as a mean thought struck her. “Are you sure this isn’t something else?”

“What do you mean?” Shinji tilted his head.

She stepped closer and poked him on the chest. “Feeding someone, what does it mean when you give someone hand-made food?”

Shinji blinked. “That you want them to be happy and healthy?”

Asuka rolled her eyes. “That too, but don’t tell me there’s nothing else to it. Aren’t you trying to tell me something?”

“I’m not ‘trying’ to say anything, I am actually **saying** that I **care** about you”, he replied, his voice surprisingly firm. “Is this so strange for me?”

Her lips turned into a thin line. For a moment, they walked in silence.

“It is, to be honest. I’ve been less than friendly to you, right?” she finally asked. “And still, you care? Why?”

Shinji shrugged softly, his smile sheepish. “I’m… like that.”

“So, you’d do that to everyone?” she narrowed her eyes, stopping and grabbing his arm.

He stopped and quickly checked their surroundings: they were a few meters from leaving the side-street, the last place to talk relatively discreetly. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.

“Asuka… what do you want me to say?” he started, his voice carrying a hint of exasperation. “I am serious when I say I want you to be happy, and I **do** care for you. It’s not that I feed **everyone** , right? And it’s not that I spend **evenings** watching movies snuggled with everyone, correct?” his serious expression turned into a smirk. “Not to mention, I don’t **kiss** everyone”, he chuckled.

Asuka rolled her eyes, but it was clear she was trying to force a grin down. “Fair point. I suppose I would murder you if you did”, she let the grin out. “I can bear you cooking for Misato, considering her habits. I don’t know why I bear with you cooking for Wondergirl at times, but I guess this is something akin to feeding a stray cat. But if you take it any further…”

Shinji tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

Asuka shook her head, wondering for a moment how oblivious the boy could be. “Just be sure where your loyalties lay, okay?” she insisted.

Shinji’s confusion turned into firmness again. “I do, Asuka. I… I think I really–”

A long, pale finger landed on his lips, cutting him off immediately. If the finger was not enough, her expression would be.

“Let’s make a deal, Shinji. Let’s stop before any of us says something really, really stupid, and let’s get back to it once we’re in better… mindset”, she forced out. “Soon.”

He nodded in response. “Thank you. I guess… you’re right.”

“ **Of course** I am”, she shrugged, her voice expressing perfect certainty. “But first, I want to make sure we’re about on the same page. Kiss me”, she demanded.

“We’re going to be late, you know?” he raised his eyebrows.

“I don’t give a shit”, she blurted out, her face disdainful. “I can stand in the corridor with the buckets in case they want to go medieval on us. What is Hikari going to do, **flog** us? I don’t think so”, she chuckled. “I want to feel it. I can’t name it right now, I don’t want to name it right now, but I want to **feel** it.”

Shinji, his expression inscrutable, slowly put his bag down and placed his hand on Asuka’s neck, pulling her closer. She closed her eyes just before their lips met. A few seconds later, she grabbed him at his waist and pulled him into full-body contact; to her satisfaction, he did not tense nor retreat – the only change was his tongue getting surprisingly more active.

_‘I can get used to this… fuck, today’s going to be interesting’,_ she realised as the felt the familiar heat taking over her body. _‘Oh well, fuck that. I can bear “interesting”. I can die tomorrow. I deserve this’,_ she decided as the kiss continued and the exploration slowly but steadily became bolder.

_‘And he deserves it too. I’m not letting you go, idiot. You better get used to being **mine**.’_

***

Asuka was only partially right in her musings – the day at school was mostly boring. This, of course, left her with plentiful time to think. She had to stop her train of thoughts at least twice with a well-placed pencil to her forearm – neither doubts about her own feelings nor guesses where the massage would have gone if she had stopped him were particularly helpful. _‘At least the lunch break would provide some distraction’_ , she realised. And she was right – except not in the way she anticipated.

“What? You didn’t bring lunch?” she burst out loud, disrupting every conversation in the classroom.

Shinji was somehow taken aback by the abruptness of the outburst; the only thing that stopped him from panicking was that odd spark in the redhead’s eye and an almost imperceptible wink.

“I’m sorry!”, he replied in his usual style. “I didn’t have time to cook last night”, he paused as a risky thought appeared in his mind. Before the ever-present and ever-active set of courtesy and diplomacy filters managed to stop him, he voiced it: “I had more important things to do than cooking, Asuka.”

Asuka was opening her mouth for another round of yelling before that retort stopped her in her track. _‘You little, devious bastard, now either agree with you and raise eyebrows, or argue and give you ammo. Ooooh I could kiss you here and how’_ , she grinned internally. _‘But you’re not getting away with this, not a chance…’_

“And this is supposed to calm me down while I eat cafeteria crap? Important or not, you could’ve **warned** me!”

Shinji, maintaining his position on sheer willpower and faith in the fact that Asuka’s wrath was either for show or for some other odd purpose, took a deep breath. He felt his heart beating rapidly, he felt like facing a dangerous, wild animal – which was, to be honest, not **that** far from the truth.

“That would not have helped. What would you have done, cooked for both of us?” he retorted, barely maintaining the steadiness of his voice.

_‘Fuck, I walked into that one. Okay, feint and retreat–’_

“Oi, what’s this?” a voice from two desks away interrupted her thinking. “Married couple fighting again?” Toji Suzuhara asked offhandedly.

Asuka watched Shinji’s face turn red in two seconds before realising hers did exactly the same – up to and including her ears. “It’s not like that!” they yelled at him in unison before turning to each other, their blushes turning luminescent. A bout of laughter from the entire class did not help in the slightest.

Asuka, being a trained and tested battle pilot, collected herself first. “You could at least take some responsibility!” she growled. Seizing his hand, she continued: “Grab your wallet. You could at least buy me something decent in this crappy cafeteria.”

Shinji followed and they left the classroom in a hurry. Two distinct sounds followed them: Toji’s comment “Have a nice date” – and another bout of laughter from the class.

***

“Fuck”, Asuka mumbled as she dragged Shinji towards the intended destination. “That babbling mouth had to draw attention to us, of course he did!”

“Asuka…”

“And he could not stop, he kept going, and everyone had a good laugh!”

“Asuka…”

“And you, you could not just accept that I was rightfully pissed, you had to–”

“Asuka!”

Shinji’s raised voice made Asuka stop. _‘He does sound like his father sometimes…’_ she realised, surprised.

“First of all”, he started once she turned to face him, “what did you expect of Toji? Restraint? Courtesy? He has other qualities” he paused, noticing Asuka’s chuckle. “Second, you perfectly know why I didn’t cook. We didn’t have time for a proper dinner or breakfast.” To that, the redhead reacted with ‘well, yes’ sigh. “Third, what happened to ‘nothing is worse than apathy’?”

That question took Asuka by surprise; normally, she was quite good at hiding her real emotions – but this ability was not perfect and tended to fail when a question came without any warning. Shinji, on the other hand, was quite adept at reading emotions, even if his ability to interpret left a lot to be desired. But it was impossible to misinterpret the sheer surprise on Asuka’s face; for a moment, Shinji wondered if a slap to her face would have been less a surprise. ‘ _Not that I would ever be able or willing to test that…’_

The redhead stared at him, her expression changing like a kaleidoscope, from anger to joy to fury to incredulity to anger once more.

Finally, she spoke. “If anyone ever kills you, and it’s not me, I’m going to murder them from taking this opportunity from me”, she shook her head. “I really, really–” she shook her head again; Shinji was waiting patiently.

“No, not here”, she shot a look around. “The walls have ears, and we gave them a show enough already”, she paused. “Okay, we’ll do it like this: we go get the food now, and then, on the first opportunity, I’ll need some answers from you.”

Shinji chuckled, eliciting a frown from the redhead. “What’s so funny?” she asked in a threatening voice.

“Well, you could just say ‘we need to talk’ and it would be about the same, right?” he explained in a somewhat shaky voice.

Asuka sighed heavily. “Point taken. So okay, ‘we need to talk’. Better?” she glared at him.

“Yes, we do”, he agreed. “Now… shall we go?”

“Definitely”, she turned away, but this time waited for him to reach her side before starting to walk. “And Shinji…”

“Yes?”

“Those were more important things”, she smirked. “I feel better… and I wouldn’t mind getting that from time to time.”

Shinji’s blush, gone in the time between leaving the classroom and now, returned softly. “I… I think we can come to some agreement. But no surprise shouting, okay? You could’ve warned me.”

Asuka chuckled. “What’s next, **scheduling** arguments?”

“Well, I **did** read something like that in an ‘advice to couples’ section in a–” he stopped abruptly, suddenly realising the meaning of his words. The blush returned in full force on both faces.

The rest of the way to the cafeteria and the way back were spent in awkward silence; Asuka would have sworn the cafeteria personnel were giving them knowing looks.

_‘God above, what in the living fuck I got myself into?’_ she pondered before admitting to the simplest and most truthful answer: _‘I got myself into him. And I did it willingly. I went into this with my eyes open. And I’m not backing out.’_


	7. “Can you love me?”

_About twenty minutes later_

“Aren’t those our two lovebirds?” Toji remarked in his usual style the moment the two entered the classroom with less than a minute to spare. He expected some protest and a burst of follow-up laughter from the class – but this was not to be.

“Oh, shut up!” came from both of them in unison; the only difference was what they added, with “Shut up, gorilla” from Asuka and a little less vicious “shut up, Toji” from Shinji.

Asuka expected some retort; to her surprise, the boy actually did shut up – with an odd expression on his face. She furrowed her brow, considering what might be the reason – but her ponderings were interrupted by the teacher’s arrival and the usual stand!-bow!-sit! Routine exercised by the Class Rep.

***

“Hey, Shinji”, Asuka started as they entered the bus and took seats as far from other people as possible. Fortunately for them, this line was not really frequented at this hour; after all, few kids their age lived in their neighbourhood.

“M?” the boy broke out of his deep thoughts. “What is it?”

“Your gorilla friend was kind of off today, don’t you think?” she remarked, trying her best to sound neutral; something just did not sit right with her, but she did not want to sound paranoid.

“Hm. Now that you mention it, yes”, Shinji agreed after a few seconds of contemplation. “He’s been a bit withdrawn for those last few days. I asked him, but he was less than talkative. It sometimes happens, usually when…” he stopped abruptly, his face suddenly sad.

“When what?” Asuka blinked in surprise at his expression.

“When he visits his sister in the hospital”, Shinji finished in almost a whisper, his gaze turned aside.

Asuka needed a few seconds to connect the dots; the end of her thought process was indicated by a loud facepalm.

“You’re still beating yourself over **that**?” she asked, her voice a mix of annoyance and incredulity. “Wasn’t that a total accident?”

“Well, yes”, he admitted. “But I’m still responsible.”

“For fuck’s sake, idiot”, she started in a voice loud enough to turn a few heads on the street; someone even murmured something about ‘foul-mouthed barbarian girl’ before getting silenced with a weapon-grade glare. “If you will keep blaming yourself for unavoidable collateral, you’ll end up getting even more people killed.”

Getting no reply except a morose look, she took a deep breath and continued: “Listen. How much they want to call it otherwise, this is war and we’re soldiers. Elite soldiers, but still. And while we’re responsible for everything we do, there are factors beyond our control”, she paused and shook her head. “The fact that you didn’t receive any formal training is next to criminal. For fuck’s sake… minimise the collateral, but when it happens and it was not your fault, just keep going. Or you get distracted and cause more damage, perhaps even get taken out of the fight and leave the Angel open to destroy everything”, she paused; her voice turning annoyed. “Am I even getting to you? Are you even listening?”

He nodded. “I’m not saying you’re wrong, Asuka. You… make sense. A lot of sense”, he admitted, his voice only a bit less gloomy than it was a moment ago. “But I still hate the thought I hurt people by… well, inaction, inability, lack of will–”

“Simple solution, Shinji”, she interrupted him. “Don’t. Don’t ever let it happen again.”

“It’s not that simple!” he protested.

“Then make it simple. You know the ‘never again’ concept, right?” she raised her hand, seeing his mouth open. “I know it’s used for something else, historically, and it’s kind of old, but it works everywhere. If you think you fucked up by lack of will or indecision, let that be your motivation to never show it again. You’ve got a spine, it’s just well hidden.”

Shinji chuckled. “Since when you’re so knowledgeable about motivation and life?”

This was Asuka’s cue to turn dead-serious. “Since I had to live my life alone and for myself. So, since I was four, I guess.”

“Asuka, I’m sorry–” he started, his voice suddenly rising in panic.

A finger landed on his lips. “Don’t. Okay? We both have our demons, and… and since you share yours, I guess it’s fine that I share mine… when the time is right. But don’t you ever apologise for asking, for being curious. Okay?”

“Even if it gets me a yelling or a slap from you?” he asked, his voice almost amused.

“Just do it when we’re alone and you’re safe”, she declared.

“Can I have that in writing?” his mood seemed to be recovering.

“I can give it to you in blood, as long as it is yours”, she narrowed her eyes at him, her tone hissing. “But”, her voice turned serious again, “you have my word for that. If that’s not enough–”

“It is. Thank you.”

She smiled a sad smile, her eyes gazing far away. “Yeah… whatever comes out from our ‘serious talk’, one thing is for sure – we’re both kind of fucked up.”

Shinji shrugged. “Perhaps that is a prerequisite to becoming a Pilot?”

“Maybe, along with being an orphan or at least half-orphan with an asshole father and no mother”, Asuka chuckled, her voice both amused and bitter.

“I’m not an expert but isn’t three people a bit too few to reach any conclusions?” Shinji tried to protest.

“Yeah, it’s called ‘an insufficient sample’”, Asuka agreed. “Still, let’s face it, we both fit the mould, and so does Ayanami. Well, we’ll have to wait until they find the fourth Pilot to find out, right?”

“Not that he… she… would have much to pilot right now…” Shinji remarked.

“Well, I’m certainly not letting anyone near my Unit-02!” Asuka declared almost threateningly.

“I’m sure nobody would dare to question that”, Shinji agreed, his low mood already uplifted. Asuka’s presence certainly did help – even if it was at a cost of having a near-heart attack twice a week. But even if it would mean risking death daily – he would still consider it worth the price.

He could only hope she felt the same way.

***

“Hey, Shinji”, Asuka called from the bathroom towards the kitchen. “Did Misato call or anything?”

“Yes, when you were in the–oh”, he froze in place in a clear contradiction to how much heat he suddenly started radiating.

“What?” Asuka chuckled at Shinji’s growing blush. “I’m decent, aren’t I?”

“W-well…” he tried to avert his eyes from a far too short towel and Asuka’s perfect legs that started far, far too soon.

“Soon, you’ll be able to piece a whole picture of me from those bits you get to see from time to time”, she quipped, her tone clearly showing how much she was enjoying his reaction and his staring. “But, first things first: what did Misato say? It’s irregular for her to work for so long on Saturdays.”

Shinji managed to compose himself for long enough to force his eyes to level with Asuka’s.

“S-she mentioned some i-incident in a NERV b-branch”, he managed, desperately trying to look the redhead in the eye and failing miserably. “A-and said she’ll b-be late.”

“An incident? Hm. Well, I’ll have to ask her once she’d back”, Asuka shrugged, eliciting a scared look from Shinji. “What?”

“N-nothing!” he lied as he forced himself **not** to imagine what would happen if the towel just slid down from that movement – to which his brain reacted by providing an entirely unhelpful image of exactly this situation. As a result, his colouring went from ‘blushing’ to ‘incandescent red’.

Asuka, aware that the next step would likely be ‘self-immolation’, let out a heavy sigh. “Amusing as it is, I see you’ll burn the kitchen, not to mention our dinner, if we keep this up. See you at the table, Third. The good thing coming from that delay is that we’ll have time to talk”, she turned away and vanished behind the door to her room.

Shinji’s eyes followed her every step and kept looking at the half-open door, perfectly aware of what might be transpiring inside. It was only the sizzling of the food on the pan that brought him to reality.

 _‘Gods, I’m so hopeless’_ , he admitted to himself before his thoughts started racing. _‘What was that?!’_ the dominant, panicked thought ran through his mind. _‘She had to know how I would react! Thank the gods that I didn’t say anything stupid this time…’_

He shook his head. “Focus. Food. Focus. Pan. Focus. Fish. Focus. Dinner.”

It did work – at least for a while.

***

In the privacy of her room, Asuka’s mind was doing its best to remain focused as well.

_‘He didn’t say anything about me. He was just **staring**. Why?’_

Two separate concepts formed in her mind: _‘he didn’t like what he saw’_ and _‘he was simply overwhelmed by the beauty in front of his eyes’._ The former slowly shifted into _‘he thinks I’m ugly’_ and _‘perhaps showing more would make him react better?’_ , while the latter turned into _‘maybe he was just surprised?’_ and _‘perhaps I should tone it down a bit and see how it works?’._

 _‘No, something’s wrong’_ , she kept going. _‘If I’m ugly, why does he kiss me so much? And why are his eyes glued to me at all times when he thinks I don’t watch him? That’s something to confront him over… later’_ , she cut one of the threads, moving on to the next idea. _‘What else could I show? I’m certainly **not** parading **naked** in front of him, I have standards!’_ she huffed, her face turning pink at the very thought. _‘Even if blowing his fuses could be fun…’_ a meaner streak of thought followed.

A few seconds and several quick scenarios later, she shook her head. _‘No. No. Pushing him is fun, yes, but let’s not push him over the edge. Yet’_ , she decided. _‘Tone it down and test it, then.’_

Having reached a conclusion, she shoved the rest of her doubts aside; her insecurities had to wait. _‘Let’s take it one thing at a time. Let’s get the biggest elephant out of the room, and then we can worry about the rest of the herd. Memory. Whatever it is called. But before that – food.’_

With that resolution, she put a big bathrobe on and fixed the towel on her head. _‘Let’s hope this will be enough to keep his blood in the more useful parts of his body…’_ she giggled silently as she left her room in anticipation of the dinner.

***

“So, Shinji, time to tackle the bear”, Asuka started as she pulled her legs underneath her and faced Shinji who was sitting cross-legged on the couch. Dinner had been eaten long ago, but the dishes still waited to be done – not because of his negligence, of course: Asuka simply wolfed her food down in record time, went to her room without a word, and emerged a few minutes later in a mercifully longer dress; the towel was gone from her head, leaving her hair hastily brushed, pulled in a ponytail, and still wet. He was just putting his own dishes into the sink as he stopped to admire the sight in front of his eyes. Taking advantage of this, Asuka simply took his hand, dragged him away from the sink, and pulled him towards the couch. He considered protesting the brutal disruption of his routine, but before he could speak, he realised two things: it would be pointless – and making Asuka wait in lieu of the dishes would be unbelievably rude. Instead, he followed the redhead, giving her his full attention.

Asuka, content with the setup, waited for a few seconds before striking the blow: “Who am I to you?”

Shinji took a deep breath, banishing the completely unhelpful image of bears stampeding through the living room. “A fair maiden who can kick my butt in numerous ways, that’s for sure”, he tried to sound light-hearted – to his regret, with limited success.

Asuka giggled, her tense demeanour easing just a step. “Aside from the obvious, Third.”

His lips became a thin line as he pondered the answer for a few seconds. “I… I don’t know”, he paused, his voice suddenly serious. Uncharacteristically for her, Asuka waited patiently for him to continue. “I like you, and… and I like what we have. I… I don’t know what it is, though”, he admitted.

Asuka shook her head. _‘So far, so good, I did not expect him to be very forthcoming. Let’s keep moving.’_

“Okay”, she started. “Let’s look from a different angle”, she agreed. “What do you want it to be?”

Shinji’s expression did not change. “I… I want this to go on. I mean…”

Asuka let out a sigh. “I should’ve made Kensuke lend me his Unit-01 and Unit-02 models, they would’ve served as great aids in that”, she smiled a bemused smile.

“He… has models?” Shinji tilted his head, his face expressing relief from being taken off the rack for a few seconds.

“You didn’t know? He’s your friend, not mine”, Asuka shrugged. “Never mind. Listen, Thi-Shinji. As you seem to be… well, you”, she paused and raised her hand. “If you apologise now, I’m murdering you and feeding you to Pen Pen”, she threatened; Shinji closed his mouth. “Thank you. Now. You said you liked me. I like you, no mistake about that. We’re… well, not dating, except we are, except we are not. So… We have two options: keep it up… or make it official”, she finished, her tone making this a half-question, half-statement. She expected hesitation, feared retreat, hoped for some confirmation – but she did not expect–

“O-o-o-o-official?” Shinji’s voice indicated a massive panic attack. Asuka tilted her head.

“Wrong word?” she checked, her eyes wary. Her Japanese was generally fluent – not just in her opinion – but even she had to admit there were sometimes connotations she missed despite that fluency; most of the time, such missteps were easily corrected with a liberal application of intimidation or charm, but this was the last thing she wanted to try right now. No matter how tempting it would be.

“I mean – we’re fourteen!” he protested.

Asuka blinked, then her face turned red. _‘Fuck. Definitely wrong word.’_

“Okay, Shinji. Stay calm and explain as if it was not about us. Did you…” she realized what he might have understood and her ears turned red. “Did you think I just **proposed**?”

A violent, repetitive nod was the only answer from a very red-faced Shinji.

“Okay”, Asuka’s voice was trembling a bit too much for her comfort. “Listen carefully”, she tried to calm it down before continuing. “Listen carefully, because I’ll say it only once: that’s your thing to do. But not now. Definitely not now. Someday, if we survive. Got it?”

The frantic nodding repeated itself; still, he seemed a bit relieved. _‘Well, at least he did not run away. Gott sei Dank…’_

“Good. For now…” she took another deep breath. “In simple terms… I want to be able to call you ‘boyfriend’, okay?” she paused for another breath. “I don’t care if those are dates, I don’t care if anyone knows, even if seeing Hikari’s face would be worth it, but I want to be sure we’re on the same page. Are we?” she finished, her voice a syllable away from breaking down. _‘Or should I murder you right now? If you say “no”, fuck, if you even **hesitate** , I’m going to murder you, tear you apart, rip your_– _’_

“Asuka…” he started, clearly looking for words but finding none under her glare. A glare that contained a mix of anger, hope, fear, and… desire? “Yes.”

“Yes – what? Say it”, she demanded.

“Yes… girlfriend?” he smiled carefully. “Darling?”

 _‘Okay. No murdering tonight’,_ a stray thought appeared in her mind. As she heard his answer and relief overtook her, two forces appeared in her mind: a wish to be alone and to cry it out – and a desire to kiss him senseless and see where this takes her.

After about half-a-second-long, vicious internal deliberation, she decided those were not _completely_ contradictory.

About another half-a-second later, Shinji Ikari, a boy with average reflexes, realised that he had no chance against a combat-trained Asuka Langley Soryu.

Not that he saw any reason to resist.


	8. “Can I live with you?”

_Later that evening_

The apartment was silent; distant sounds of the night city, indistinct voices, and breathing of two people were the only sounds in the room. This was, of course, not to last.

A sudden beep followed by a hiss introduced dread and panic. Shinji’s thoughts, hitherto lazing in a daze, immediately focused on the sounds; he started a quick recap in his half-sleeping mind. On one hand, the newcomer was interrupting an intimate moment. On the other, they had every right to be here, as this was her apartment – assuming, of course, this was Misato – but who else, him and Asuka aside, would have an access card? On the third, the moment has played itself out – they were in the afterglow now. An afterglow he would love to enjoy… but Misato could have come in a worse moment. His thoughts went back to what happened less than an hour ago – even if it felt like an eternity ago.

After Asuka decided to merge both of her desires into one – as she explained offhandedly later – she simply followed her instincts: she grabbed her now-boyfriend – a term that brought unexpected joy to her heart and mind – and started kissing him senseless. It took him to interrupt, and only when he realised there were tears running down her face.

“Asuka? Are you all–” he tried to ask, but after being told to shut up and let her be herself, and continue the perfectly appropriate act of kissing her, he decided that following orders was the best – and safest – course of action. With this thought, slowly waning confusion, and slowly waxing desire to give Asuka what she needed, he continued to kiss her, his hands carefully wandering all over her back.

After half an eternity – subjectively speaking – and about half an hour – objectively speaking – they exhausted their energy and were simply content with lying in each other’s embrace, slowly drifting towards sleep.

And far too soon the most unwelcome sound interrupted the bliss they shared.

Shinji reacted first: with a quick move he relaxed his grip on the redhead and slid out of her embrace; with a quick move, he pulled a blanket over – _‘oh, right’_ , he realised with a blush and a sudden wave of heat – his girlfriend.

“Don’t move – you’re the blanket”, he whispered as he straightened up next to an impromptu pile of covers – suspiciously big, of course, but there was nothing to do about it right now except to count on Misato’s lack of attention.

“…ck”, came a muffled response.

“Hi, Shin-chan”, a tired voice reached him from the door. “Still up?”

“Yes, Misato”, he replied, trying his best to keep his voice calm. “I… had too much to think of, couldn’t sleep”, he added, suddenly aware how much of the ‘technically correct’ approach had rubbed off on him.

“Oh”, his guardian clearly had to focus to stay upright. “I’m sorry… do you want to talk about it?”

Shinji shook his head. “No, I’m fine”, he answered, this time entirely truthfully. “Should I warm some dinner for you?”

“Yes, please”, Misato yawned. “I ate something… but I should have something, still. Just… not much, okay?”

“Of course”, Shinji smiled at her. “Give me a few minutes?”

“Yeah”, was all the Major managed as she drifted towards the bathroom.

Once the door slid close behind her, a muffled sigh of relief sounded from beneath the blanket. “Whew, that was close.”

Shinji smiled. “Not that close. She’s exhausted, I don’t think she’d notice if you were just lying still.”

A red-maned head emerged from the tangle of covers, shaking off the blankets and drawing a big breath. “Yeah, still, good thinking. I was right about you”, Asuka smiled a wry smile.

“Oh?” Shinji tilted his head and smiled unwittingly at the sight of Asuka’s adorably tousled hair. He refrained on commenting on that, though; he did not dare to guess how barely awake Asuka would react to being called ‘adorable’. _‘Safer, let’s start with safer… pushes’_ , he decided.

“Quick-thinker”, she explained, unaware of the opportunity for banter he just squandered. “You adapt fast. I like that. Just… why did you call me a blanket?”

“Well, you **are** soft and increasingly cuddly…” he smiled at her, an odd gleam obvious in his eye.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “And you’re increasingly brazen with your comments, you know?” her voice resembled a hiss – but the tone was surprisingly pleasant.

He managed to maintain eye contact. “I thought you liked it?” he asked, half-uncertainly, half-rhetorically.

“Maybe. I wish you’d be–” she fell silent as he touched her cheek. Seconds later, he leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips.

“Yes?” he probed with a smile as she pulled the blanket off her and dropped it on the floor, out of her sight. A hand on his neck, other on his waist, Asuka falling backwards on the couch, pulling him with her, and locking their lips – it all happened within one breath. Her legs locked on his, her tongue forced its way to his mouth. This was a level of fierceness he was not prepared for – but saw all the reasons to welcome. A few minutes later and another half an eternity later, she broke the kiss and locked her gaze with him. Her eyes were wilder than usual, her hair tousled even further.

_‘If he does not get **that** hint, he’s denser than usual. But I know he is… so, let’s drive the point home. But why does this always happen when Misato’s around?’_

“Third”, she started, her voice husky. “You and me both know that in an annoyingly short time, our killjoy will emerge from this bathroom. Tired or not, she’ll be rather suspicious of us if she finds us together. So… you may think of acting like this in… better circumstances.” She put her finger on his lips before he could speak up. “And don’t worry about crushing me. I’m… tougher than you think.”

“Well, I think you’re quite tough?” he tilted his head.

“Then why are you afraid of dropping on me?” she asked, accentuating her words with a push at his lower back.

He turned beet-red. “Because…” he looked down for just a second, but his mortified expression told the redhead everything she needed to know on the subject.

“Oh. That”, she giggled, stealing a glance on the bulge in his pants. She gently pulled his head down and leaned up to whisper in his ear: “I wouldn’t mind.” Those words made her blush herself as she realised how true they were, not just an empty reassurance. _‘Two months ago, I would have turned him into a bloody pulp just for… reacting like this. Now… now it’s a compliment and…’_

“I mean it, Shinji”, she added in a whisper a tad hoarser, breaking the dangerous train of thought by focusing on him. “That promise about not killing… it’s there, okay?”

He nodded carefully. “Okay”, he paused. “Do you think we should…?” he nodded towards at the bathroom door.

“Yeah”, she sighed. “We should vanish from sight before our spoilsport – excuse me, our esteemed guardian – emerges. Go and warm up her dinner, I’ll pretend to emerge from my room and handle the beer once I notice her. Let’s be the good kids she thinks we are… kind of.”

He nodded and manoeuvred himself off the couch; she followed suit, regretting it immediately when her skin felt the cold. She paused. _‘Hm, do I react to the evening chill or to his absence?’_ she pondered before shaking it off quickly. _‘Too soon to think of it. Time to hide. But first…’_

“Come here, Third. I don’t know if Misato’s going to be knocked out well enough for taking chances… so…” she spoke up before grabbing his head and pulling him for another kiss. _‘Mm, he’s getting better at responding. Good.’_

“Remember to act a bit more wary of me when she’s around”, Asuka winked as she sauntered away.

Shinji was standing there for a while, grinning like an idiot and watching as his not-sure-this-is-real-but-if-she-is-my-girlfriend-I-really-want-to-keep-that-going-on disappeared behind the door to her room.

***

“…and we still don’t know what happened except that the whole NERV branch is _gone_ ”, Misato – currently in her bathrobe and her hair wrapped in a towel – finished explaining the current unexpected crisis to her shocked charges between bites of her food and gulps of beer. “We’re still investigating, but the Commander sent me home, saying, quote, ‘someone has to be around her wits if another attack occurs’, end quote, and, well, Doctor Akagi is buried to her ears with work.”

Shinji and Asuka looked at each other with shocked eyes, unsure of what to say. They were, obviously, anticipating a crisis – after all, Misato working long hours on a Saturday was a rare occurrence – but they surely did not expect something of that magnitude.

“What now?” Shinji finally managed to ask in a shaky voice.

Misato shrugged. “This doesn’t affect you… not by much. They’ll ship Unit-03 to us, likely very soon, and we’ll have an activation test when it finally arrives… but that’s not my responsibility, not now”, she added disdainfully. “The delays are already considerable – and someone has to get it back on track.”

“Who’s piloting it?” Asuka inquired, her eyes lighting up.

Misato’s lips became a thin line for a moment. “I’m not sure… yet”, she replied and took a gulp of her beer. Shinji’s brows furrowed as he exchanged glances with Asuka. A quick headshake from him got an equally quick nod of confirmation from her: ‘don’t press now’.

“Seconds, Misato?” Shinji changed the subject, pointing at her bowl. _‘Crisis or not, this is something I can help her with – keeping her fed.’_

“No, thank you”, his guardian took a deep breath as she forced down a look of discomfort on her face. “I… I should be going to sleep.”

Asuka suppressed her surprise; a quick glance on the table told her their guardian had only one beer – another rare occurrence. Shinji just collected the bowl and put his hand on her shoulder. “Rest well, Misato. We’ll postpone the wild party we were planning for tonight.”

It took the Major a few seconds to process what her charge had just said, then she started laughing despite herself. “Good, right, sure”, she retorted. “I’m sorry”, her voice suddenly turned far more serious. “I mean… thank you”, she corrected herself as she rose unsteadily from the table. “I’ll just hit the bathroom for a second and go straight to bed.”

“Let me guess, Misato… that was your first meal since… breakfast?” Shinji probed, his eyebrow raised. If Misato did not know better, she would think there was a scolding tone in his voice.

She smiled a sad smile. “Guilty as charged. Well, almost. No time for anything but coffee and some energy bars from the vending machine. But I knew you’d be waiting for me with a proper meal, thought”, her smile grew warmer. She made a few steps towards the bathroom, then stopped. “I’m sorry for questioning your integrity”, she added, her voice turning from _serious_ to _dark_. “Both of you. I shouldn’t have”, she finished in almost a whisper.

Not waiting for a reply, she vanished behind the bathroom door, leaving two confused teenagers behind.

***

“So, what do you think?” Asuka asked Shinji in a whisper as sounds of Misato’s snoring gave them some reassurance of privacy.

“About the NERV, her apology, or the new Unit?” Shinji queried putting the final bowl on the drying rack.

“Her apology is clear and appropriate, even if it **is** surprising”, Asuka replied after a second of consideration. “And about the NERV branch, the whole crisis… well, they won’t tell us shit, obviously, so we can only guess that this was some experiment gone wrong”, she shrugged. “To be honest, it’s a small miracle **we** don’t get blown up every other week, right?” she paused, her lips turning into a thin like. “No. What do you think about the new Unit? And the new Pilot?"

“I don’t know. I think she’s not telling us everything”, Shinji hesitated. “No, I’m sure she isn’t.”

“I think she’s lying”, Asuka murmured. “Just plain lying. She knows who’s piloting it”, she added in a hissing whisper.

“Why?” Shinji looked at the redhead with confusion.

“Simple logic”, she smiled a smug, if worried smile. “By elimination: if it was me, she’d tell me right away, because why not, and to give me a morale boost; if it was you, she’d tell you in front of me just to rub it in for me and make me perform better. If it was Ayanami, she’d likely state simply, for the same reason as with you – to rile me up.”

“Hm, or not, to avoid you being bitter about it?” Shinji retorted.

“Doubtful”, Asuka countered before giving it a moment of thought. “But yes, it’s an option, she was in a dark mood and likely too tired to argue with me”, she admitted. “But no, my intuition is telling me otherwise. I think it’s someone who makes her uncomfortable for some reason. Likely someone new, completely new… but why would she be hesitant to tell us then?”

Shinji furrowed his brow again. “Perhaps it’s someone we know?”

“Oh come on”, Asuka scoffed, “what are the odds of that? They look for Pilot candidates over the entire world, right? And how many kids do you know? Thirty? Fifty?” she paused. “No. Too unlikely”, she concluded.

Shinji pondered her words for a moment, then nodded. “You’re right”, he smiled before turning serious almost immediately. “Still, I wonder why she would lie to us.”

“So am I… Hm, want to try to find out?” Asuka’s eyes lit up and a small smile appeared in the corner of her mouth.

Shinji looked at her quizzically. “How?”

“We can poke around at NERV…” she paused as she pondered something, her smile growing wider with every passing second. Shinji could swear he saw lightbulbs light up in her mind, slowly creating a pattern that slowly turned into an idea. He surely enjoyed the sight.

“Even better”, she picked up. “Okay, each to their strength. You go ask your nerd friend – he must have heard something, he sometimes has the oddest rumours, right? And I will go ask Kaji!”

“Kaji?” Shinji tilted his head.

“Yeah. He knows things”, she paused as another light went ‘pop’ over her head. “Oh, I see”, she grinned. “Don’t worry, it’s going to be strictly professional, I swear!” she declared solemnly, her hand raised.

“Ooo…kay”, he nodded, confusion clear on his face. “Just…” he paused, eliciting a quizzing look. “Just be careful, okay? I don’t want to…” he trailed off, his lips a thin line.

“You don’t want to – what?” she pressed.

It took him a few long seconds to reply; when he did, he looked aside. Despite that, Asuka clearly saw tears forming in his eyes and his desperate attempt to hide them. “I don’t want to lose you”, he finally whispered.

Two opposing forces clashed in Asuka: a reflex to hit him, or at least to scold him and tell him to man up, and a surprising urge to crush him in a hug. Suddenly, a third idea emerged, based on her experience from earlier this evening: merge those two.

She made a quick movement towards him, closing him in her embrace. “Shut up, idiot, and stop it. I can’t carry us both, okay? I’ll do my part, you do yours, and we’ll get through. Okay?”

She felt him nod.

“Good. Now, I’m not so stupid that I’m getting myself killed, or anything. Kaji’s not an enemy. I’ll just… snoop around”, she kept going. “Trust me?”

“With my life.”

 _‘Right. Carry us. Do your part. Sure’_ , she repeated as she felt her own eyes fill with tears. The only reasonable thing that occurred to her was to continue the vicious hug and wait for this wave of emotions to pass.

Fortunately, neither of them seemed to be willing in the slightest to interrupt it in any foreseeable future.

They were just content with enjoying the moment.

***

Shinji Ikari was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling of his room, and grinning like an idiot.

Once they regained some distance, Asuka noticed his smile and became aware of her own. She also noticed the tears in his eyes – and realise there were some on her face as well.

They simultaneously reached towards each other’s face. A few awkward moments and gestures later – and a few moments of fighting herself, she simply decided to let go – and pulled him for a kiss. A long, slow, emotional kiss accompanied with her hand resting firmly on his neck. He reciprocated with equal commitment, clearly relieved – and they just kept going. A part of her mind was telling her this was unsafe, that Misato could wake up and walk on them – but she did not care anymore. Something was telling her that with him, she could take on anything.

When their lips finally parted and they managed to take a good look at each other, Asuka was smiling. “Goodnight… boyfriend”, she whispered. “Let’s go”, she suggested.

Shinji just nodded and rose slowly.

“Sorry to say that… but you need to let go of my hand before we can go to sleep”, she chuckled.

He tried to reply, but only stuttering came out. A squeeze and a peck on the cheek later, she managed to pull away. “Goodnight”, she repeated.

“Goodnight… dear”, he replied back, his face dreamy.

***

Shinji Ikari knew he should try to sleep. He knew he would regret that sleeplessness tomorrow – Sunday or not, he had his duties at home. It was not the first time he experienced a torrent of emotions and feelings – those were common in his life – and it was not the first time he was actually happy – that had started around the time they managed to find a way to spend time together without actually dating.

It was just that one thought occupying his mind: _‘am I strong enough to manage not to mess this up?’_

To his regret and his growing anxiety, he found no good answer.

_‘If only I could talk to Mom… she was always so busy, but when I needed her… she always had all the answers.’_

***

The few stars were shining on the night sky, struggling to be visible against the lights of Tokyo-3. Asuka Soryu Langley was lying on her back, in her bed, staring at the twinkling points with a serene smile on her face. For once, barring external crises, the still-raging war with the Angels, and the very real risk of dying in her next battle, all was right with her world.

“God above…” she whispered. “This went better than I thought. To be honest – it went better than I could wish for. I… I really don’t know if it was your work, my genius, or perhaps a mix of both… but I think some gratitude is in order. So… thanks”, she paused her prayer with a smile. “I can’t say we’re good or even yet, but we’re getting there, step by step”, she sighed. “Amen.”

With that out of the way, she was finally able to relax enough to drift to sleep. Her final thought, coming to her half-asleep mind as she hugged her pillow, was a simple _‘wish he was here’_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so ends another kids' story, on a happier note than I expected when it started.
> 
> As of now, I am quite convinced that this is not the last _What happened?_ story - but first, we are going back to the Evas and their occupants: the next update in the series will be Chapter 8. of _Two Souls_ (which is also chronologically following this one), although it will likely not happen before 2021 - unless I will find more time to write than I anticipate right now.


End file.
